Please enjoy the following great quotes from Grateful, but Diana Butler Bass, as well as a reflection below.
We need to remember when gratitude arose from failures, not just successes... Honest hindsight does not foster nostalgia. It puts us in touch with gratitude. Looking back offers the opportunity to rewrite our own stories in more constructive and positive ways... Can you remember an event that was painful at the time, but that now makes you feel grateful? Remembering the actual past – even if that past was difficult and filled with ingratitude – allows us to see the past from an angle impossible at the time and paves the way for fuller appreciation of present joys. (Bass, Grateful, 70)
If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is be present in the present... gracefully. – Maya Angelou
We can choose to believe that we are autonomous beings in complete command of our own lives, reliant upon no one and nothing but ourselves. We can choose to focus on our failures or our losses, on what we feel entitled to or what we deserve. We can choose anger, fear, resentment, grief, hubris, or pain. We can choose to live our lives stuck in our worst moments. We can choose to believe that everyone and everything are against us. We can choose to define ourselves on the basis of someone else’s violence, prejudice, or injustice toward us. We can choose to define life as a zero-sum game. We can choose every negative philosophy, theology, or ideology that cuts us off from grace, and we can choose to think there is no one and nothing to thank. – Diana Butler Bass, Grateful, 87
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. – Romans 8:5-6 (MSG)
Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. – Matthew 6:21 (NLT)
The Christian scriptures liken gratitude to joy, a “fruit of the spirit.” Gratitude is not only an emotion; it is something we do. But it is not a program. It is like tending a garden. It takes planting and watering and weeding. It takes time and attention. It takes learning. It takes routine. But, eventually, the ground yields, shoots come forth, and thanksgiving blooms. – (Diana Butler Bass, Grateful, 89)
Intellectually, I understand what Bass is getting at in this section, particularly with the way we think about the past. I am, in general, a very optimistic person. Sometimes too much so. It usually means that I have a positive disposition and outlook. As an Enneagram 3 Performer, I suppose this works for me – “never let ‘em see you sweat” and “keep smiling” are a way of life for me. The downside? I am my own worst critic, which is really saying something! I am very optimistic and positive about the present and future yet am often hard on myself in retrospect much more so than others.
The truth is that I am so hard on myself that sometimes I am unable to really appreciate where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and what I’ve done, even as I am grateful for my resulting life story. There are moments, however, when my mind slows down and I see things more clearly, when I am also able to view my past with eyes of grace. In those moments, I feel peace, and even gratitude – not for my shortcomings nor the hurtful actions of others, but for what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown.
I think it really does come down to tending the garden of gratitude. Without such attention, I think the weeds of worry and self-deprecation would consume me. I think this is the human experience, learning the rhythms that foster the life we all want – one marked by gratitude for that life, right? One full of love and joy and all the other fruits of the Spirit. This is an exercise, a discipline, a necessity that must be prioritized, not because of any threat from God but for the deepest desires of my life. Sometimes I have seasons when I nail it. Sometimes I have seasons when I neglect it. Yet the Spirit of God is always wooing me back, always welcoming and meeting and staying with me as we pull weeds together. Such memories motivate me forward, give me hope, and, as Bass noted, thankfulness blooms.
Process Questions.
How has the following quote been true from your experience?
We need to remember when gratitude arose from failures, not just successes... Honest hindsight does not foster nostalgia. It puts us in touch with gratitude. Looking back offers the opportunity to rewrite our own stories in more constructive and positive ways... Can you remember an event that was painful at the time, but that now makes you feel grateful? Remembering the actual past – even if that past was difficult and filled with ingratitude – allows us to see the past from an angle impossible at the time and paves the way for fuller appreciation of present joys. (Bass, Grateful, 70)
Headwinds and Tailwinds. “We tend to pay more attention to headwinds than tailwinds because they are harder to overcome, and we tend to believe that our own life has been full of ‘barriers and challenges more severe than those experienced by others.’ This belief, in turn, causes envy” (Researchers Shai Davidai and Thomas Gilovich). Tailwinds represent all the supportive forces and actors that sustained us through the headwinds and have even at times helped us prevail despite their limiting influence in our lives. When have you found yourself consumed or overwhelmed by headwinds? In retrospect, what tailwinds were also present?
What practices have helped you cultivate a more gratitude-rich life? What keeps you from tending your garden which is capable of producing all of the fruit of the Spirit?
“How do you experience gratitude when feelings are elusive? Gratitude is... more than just an emotion. It is also a disposition that can be chosen and cultivated, an outlook toward life that manifests itself in action – it is an ethic... a framework of principles by which we live more fully in the world. This ethic involves developing habits and practices of gratefulness that change us for the better. Gratitude involves not only what we feel, but also what we do... When you look for things to be grateful for, you find them; and once you start looking, you discover that gratitude begets more gratitude. Like all habits, gratitude builds on itself.” (Diana Butler Bass, Grateful, 61, 67).