“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Mt. 5:4 NRSVUE
Jesus’ Beatitude about those who mourn finding comfort fits well with the rest of the “blessed” statements. His audience was familiar with grief (as was he), and in his experience, God showed up with comfort for him which presumes God can for others as well. Some scholars see the whole list as an allusion to the crucifixion and resurrection – all the “negative” representing the cross and all the blessings that come with being freed from the grave. This reminds me that the scriptures are meant to be thought about, talked about, maybe even argued about, all with the intent of gaining the most from them.
Today, I see very practical advice in Jesus’ words. I think he is speaking a very plain truth – those who mourn will be comforted. The question is, do we mourn? How well do we mourn? What might the relationship be between how well we mourn and the level of comfort we experience? What is God’s activity in the process?
What have you mourned? Take a minute and give this some thought.
According to HelpGuide.org, the most common sources of grief are: bereavement (the death of a loved one); death of a pet; divorce or relationship breakup; loss of health; losing a job; loss of financial stability; a miscarriage; retirement; loss of a cherished dream; a loved one’s serious illness; loss of a friendship; loss of safety after a trauma; selling the family home; and a Kansas City Three-Peat at Super Bowl LIX. How many of these have you endured?
I think we hear mixed messages in our culture when it comes to mourning. On the one hand, we expect people to grieve when they suffer loss, and we know that expressing care at such times is a loving thing to do. You have probably expressed condolences and received them as well.
Yet at the same time, our culture has other messages communicated in many ways. We value toughness. “Suck it up!” “Keep a stiff upper lip!” “Big boys and girls don’t cry.” “Get over it already.” This relates to mental health in general. Break a bone or have a heart attack, everyone gets a free pass as long as the doctor orders. Suffer a broken heart? Not so much.
One phrase comes to mind that is only somewhat true: “Time heals all wounds.” Some broken bones will heal in time, but not necessarily straight, rendering the sufferer potentially incapable of fully functioning ever again. Time doesn’t seem to favor those who have heart conditions or cancer. We know that professional help is needed if we expect a full recovery from physical problems. We need to heed professional advice when it comes to mental health in general, and for mourning in particular.
When we don’t mourn well, we don’t heal as fully. When we leave mourning to time alone, it can leave a lot of unfinished business that lingers. When we don’t deal with our emotional life, it will always deal with us. This includes mourning. Mourning hindered or denied can sabotage relationships with others.
When we do not tend to our emotional wellbeing (including mourning), it can affect our emotional and physical health. We might find ourselves touchier than normal, angry, depressed, or more anxious. We might self-medicate to ease our pain, leading to substance abuse, or overeating, or not eating enough, or not sleeping enough, or sleeping too much – all of which can lead to serious physical problems.
With so much at stake, why don’t we all do a healthier job with our grief? There surely are myriad reasons specific to every person. I wonder if, in general, it boils down to three reasons. First, I bet most of us don’t know how to grieve well. It hasn’t been modeled well in our culture that celebrates being unaffected by struggle. How many veterans struggled and still struggle with PTSD? Loss in many of its forms is traumatic. Most of us are ill-equipped for the task.
Second, I wonder if facing our grief is too painful because of the remembering itself. Our lizard brains kick into gear, fleeing from the pain and suffering memories cause. Thank God for Netflix! And Amazon Prime! And Apple TV! And Disney+! And HBO! And... We can distract ourselves ad infinitum. Pain avoidance – we’re really good at it.
Third, and this may be closely related to the second, I wonder if in some cases we cannot mourn well because we are too threatened by what may be unveiled. Some losses are unavoidable parts of life. People die. Weather changes. Economies react and correct. Many things that cause us to suffer loss are out of our control. The main thing they remind us of is that we are human beings with limited power.
Yet we have more or less significant roles in other losses. It takes two to Tango; it also takes two to divorce. We’re kidding ourselves when we think it was all the other’s fault. The word we’re looking for here is denial. Healthy relationships generally do not succumb to divorce. It takes two to make and keep a relationship healthy. Perhaps we prefer not to mourn much because we don’t want to admit that we were complicit in the breakup. We played a role. We caused significant pain for another. Once again, our lizard brains kick in as the threat that we might be wrong, that we hurt someone begins to emerge in our consciousness.
What keeps you from dealing with your grief, from mourning well?
In the book, Following the Call, three authors offered reflection related to the subject of mourning. American philosopher, professor, and Christian ethicist, Nicholas Wolterstorff (1932 –) mourned many of the world’s ills that needn’t exist, admitting on behalf of humanity that our hands are bloody. He stated that “the mourners are aching visionaries” (35). Oh, that more and more of humanity would feel such grief...
There are countries who have outpaced the United States in terms of racial equality, equity, inclusion, integration, and belonging. One word I have heard repeatedly from the distant source1s is that as a whole, we in the United States have never fully mourned our awful, intentional inhumane history of white supremacy. Prejudice against Indigenous Peoples, Latinx neighbors from the south, and of course, African Americans who did not choose to come to our shores but were abducted and enslaved. We too quickly brush it under the rug of the aspirational platitudes written in our founding documents, pretending we have somehow arrived while the hemorrhaging continues. Perhaps when we collectively not only confess, but mourn our past, we might finally see our dreams come true. So long as the Confederate flag flies and the Civil War is referred to as the war of Northern Aggression, we’re stuck.
Bengali poet and Nobel laureate in literature, Rabindranath Tagore’s (1861–1941) offering is so rich. In one moment, the author speaks of the gift of knowing that life is not a stable, permanent fixture – that death comes. What a turn! And then a related expression that occurs in mourning – not caring what the world thinks about how we are interacting with the world. Every day is pajama day for awhile... So rich and deep.
Eastern Orthodox writer, Frederica Mathewes-Green (1952–), takes us to a place of mourning related to mistakes we have made. Our sins negatively affect our own lives, the lives of others (more than we can imagine), and ultimately God’s dream for creation. Leaning into a familiar vision of classic Christianity, the author finds that in mourning sins committed, comfort is discovered in the cross itself, where God’s love was so fully on display.
I loved all these written offerings. Different expressions on mourning. All in their own way suggesting that something divine was experienced in the mourning. Some sense of comfort specific to the person. Jesus’ words rang true for them. Why?
I think the reason why Jesus had confidence to claim that those who mourn will be comforted is rooted not only in his personal experience but also in his understanding of the character and nature of God. God is love. God is shalom. Everything about God flows toward wellbeing for all, harmony, resolution, restoration, renewal, resurrection. Shalom flows from one end of the expanding universe to the other, filling all space in between. We are swimming in the sea of shalom.
When we choose to mourn – the more intentional the better – we tap into that everlasting spring that will never run dry. When we mourn well, we find ourselves embraced by the presence of God that is more intimately entwined in our lives than we ever dreamed. A force stronger than the tides. Why am I so sure? Because God is always with us in our pursuit of shalom. Supporting us. Loving us. Strengthening us. Enlightening us. Enlivening us.
There is much to learn about how we can grieve well. Choose to learn. Spend some time on HelpGuide.org and see where it takes you. For God’s sake, choose to learn! For your sake, choose to learn! For the sake of everything and everyone in creation that you touch in big and small ways, choose to learn! Put what you learn into practice as you go – don’t wait until you’ve got it all figured out, because you never will. Yet your efforts will simply bring more beauty and shalom into a world that needs it.
May you find yourself embraced by the loving presence of God, of Love, of Shalom, as you embark upon the journey of mourning well. May you grieve fully and find yourself everlastingly comforted.
A Prayer for a Distant God (Rich Orloff)
Let me heal you, says the Divine
I know I seem far away
I have not always lived up to your expectations
Especially at times of your greatest need
If it looks like I stand behind barriers
They are not my creation
But the result of your doing
And the actions of others
Dismantle them if you wish to get close to me
Admit your role in building them
And perpetuating them
And looking away when others fortify them
If you rush by, I cannot heal
If you put up walls, I cannot heal
If you block me, I cannot heal
If you deny your wounds, I cannot heal
With each step to dismantle the barriers
I will become closer to you
If you surrender your defenses
I will feel so close
That you will feel me inside you
Healing from within
Watch the teaching related to the post below on our YouTube channel (YouTube.com/CrossWalkNapa). Or listen via your preferred podcast provider ( search CrossWalkNapa). This post is informed by, and references noted are sourced from (unless otherwise noted) Following the Call: Living the Sermon on the Mount Together, which will inform CrossWalkNapateachings throughout 2025.