Atomic: Blind

Someone once said that people don’t see things the way they are, they see things the way they are.  When the disciples passed her on their way back to Jesus from a nearby village, they saw a very lost soul.  A heretic, actually, defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “a person who differs in opinion from established religious dogma.”  If they had been forthcoming with their biases and prejudice, they may have made it known that they actually loathed her based solely on her faith.  In their opinion, she was loathsome, rejected by God, not worthy of respect (or even acknowledgement).  When they passed her, they were undoubtedly silent.  Little did they realize that she was coming from where they were going – a Jewish historical site – Jacob’s Well in the middle of a country that was no longer their own: Samaria.  They would soon discover that they had seen things as they were, but not as they were.

Jesus had just finished speaking with her – a conversation he initiated.  A triple foul by all accounts.  First, she was a woman, and he was recognized as a Rabbi.  In First Century Israel, that didn’t happen.  Second, she was a woman who was Samaritan – a people group ancient Jews loved to hate because they wove the religion of surrounding cultures into their version of Judaism, creating a hybrid religion that won them the term “bastards” in every Jewish circle.  Half breeds.  Thus, the silent treatment on the part of the disciples.  Third, she was a woman, a Samaritan, and one with a difficult past.  A past so disturbing that it resulted in her being at the well at the wrong time of day, and all alone.  Alone because the women of the village did not welcome her earlier in the morning when it was cool, when they all traveled together in community to get water for the day.  She knew she wasn’t welcome.  All they could see was her checkered, questionable past – multiple husbands, and now living with a man to whom she was not married.  So many reasons to distance themselves from her, to exile her to the hellish heat of the day to labor in isolation.  To everyone else, she was a label, or labels, as it were.  Because people saw things as they were.

Jesus saw things as they were, however, through a lens corrected by God.  A woman?  Yes.  Samaritan faith?  Check.  Hard past life?  Yep.  But so much more than that, Jesus saw a sister, a beloved human being made in the image of God.  Inherently worthy of respect.  Innately valuable beyond measure. This holy one deserved the honor of being recognized as present with him, not to be ignored.  This child of God was worthy of being included in conversation, not condemned in silence.  This daughter was meant to be embraced, not exiled.  Seeing her with the eyes of God, his words, tone, and heart followed suit.  He broke the ice, asking for water, which took their chat to deeper things of God and life.  Reading everything about her clearly, he gave insight into her life, which signaled to her that she was dealing with someone with a bit more God going on than most.  Wanting to shift attention off of her painful past, she decided to talk religion, taking a shot at a central contentious issue dividing the two religious perspectives.  As their conversation ensued, Jesus respected her (and himself) enough not to engage in theological battle, but to agree on truth they could both believe in.  Much more than avoiding a fight, Jesus cultivated shalom as he showed her tremendous honor in sharing with her the nature of God and what God desires for everyone: people living in and by the Spirit of God, worshiping God in their lifestyle, in their attitude, and in their behavior.  Not an argument about who’s belief is more right, but a shared striving toward believing in the right way – a more genuine orthodoxy than most dared to voice.  To top it all off, Jesus let her know that he was the one anointed by God to bring this good news. He was the Messiah, the Christ many were hoping for, and she was the first person he told according to John’s Gospel.  She had come crawling to that well thirsty for life and love.  She left more hydrated than she could have ever dreamed – when she ran back to the village, she left her water jar behind.  She was so full of life that when she told her hateful and hurtful village what happened, her charisma overcame their prejudice and led them right to the feet of Jesus to hear for themselves and eventually believe.

When we see ourselves through the eyes of Jesus, we are no longer bound by the blindness of our own self-loathing or the lens of the cultural context that shapes our sight.  Shame gives way to grace.  Loneliness finds itself in the company of God.  The mourning of a painful past is given in exchange for the gladness of hope.  When we give into such love, we claim the words of the prophet: God gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair (Isaiah 61:3).  We you and me and the collective we embrace this love that is always available to us, and is there waiting for us without condition.  We are blinded by the Light of God to finally see ourselves as we really are: glorious and beloved.

When we choose to see things as they are – as God sees – empathy moves us to love deeply, across party, cultural, religious, and gender lines with great love, respect, and dignity.  When faced with people of differing ethnicity, religious beliefs, and life experience, may we see so clearly as Jesus did, and may we love so dearly.  All moved by the Spirit of our faith, because, as Bob Goff noted in his book, Everybody Always, “loving people the way Jesus did is always great theology” (72).  When we choose to see through the eyes of Jesus, we are blinded by the Light of God to finally see others as they really are: glorious and beloved and worthy of our love and respect.

Atomic: Stretch

The encounter between Jesus and Nicodemus in John 3 is rich, deep, and full of linguistic surprises for English-readers. The first surprise is that the highly educated member of the Jewish leadership council (the Sanhedrin), came to Jesus in the dark. More than an indication of the time of day, this was telling us about his level of awareness and consciousness.  He knew a lot, and yet was not yet awake to what Jesus was seeing.  The ensuing conversation was going to serve as a wake-up call.  Nicodemus likely hit the snooze button many times en route to his awakening – as we all do.  This presents an opportunity for all readers to ask themselves, how awake are we?  In my experience, honestly asking the question is the first and greatest step toward becoming more awake and staying awake.  When we don’t ask the question, we are very likely to settle into the cozy comforter of where we currently are.  We may never even hit the snooze button, because we won’t even hear the alarm.  I used to have trouble waking up – particularly in high school.  I set up a mechanical timer to turn on my stereo at my wake-up time, which would force me to get out of bed to turn it off.  If I had to physically get out of bed, I would stay up.  Hitting the snooze button was too easy – I needed help waking up.  How awake are you?  Or are you setting yourself up by your lifestyle to remain asleep in the dark?

Nicodemus heard the alarm with Jesus’ words: “Unless a person is born [again, from above], it's not possible to see what I'm pointing to—to God's kingdom.” The Greek word, anōthen, is where we get the English word for “again”.  But Greek doesn’t always translate easily into English, and things are missed.  In this case, anōthen could be translated as either “again” or “from above” – two very different renderings.  In his darkened state of mind, Nicodemus was stuck on the former understanding, while the enlightened Jesus was referring to the latter.  Nicodemus was going to be stuck from the get-go because nobody can literally re-enter the womb, as he notes.  Jesus was talking about a new perspective that hails from something more than what meets the eye.  God is Spirit.  To see God requires a new kind of eyes.  This gives all readers pause to ask, which eyes are we using in our faith?  Are we focused on flesh-and-blood when we really need to develop more spiritual vision?

After reminding Nicodemus of what he surely knew but hadn’t recently accessed, Jesus gave the most succinct statement about what faith is all about than anywhere else in scripture: “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again” (John 3:16-17, The Message).  To put it in a very short statement, Jesus is telling us to believe in love if we want to really, truly live.  This may sound more like a Coke commercial, but it is actually deeply theological and infinitely practical.  Once again, our English language does not serve us well in translating the Greek.  The central subject is love – God’s love (agapaō in Greek), which is the highest source of all love.  The goal is a quality of life (aiōnios in Greek) that is heavenly – the best we can hope for.  The means by which we experience that life is in believing.

The Greek word, “pisteuō”, is what gives us “believe”.  In our modern understanding, we generally equate believing with intellectual agreement.  For many Christians, believing means agreement about orthodox positions about Jesus.  The Greek word, however, actually has three facets of meaning.  Like a three-legged stool, in order for the word to stand, all three legs have to be in place.  Intellectual agreement is the first of those legs.  A second is emotional assent, and the third is vocational.  The emotional leg has to do with a gut-level conviction, a passion about the subject of belief. Think of being in love with a person.  On paper, the object of your love may not be any different than 6M other people, yet there is something about that one that stirs your heart.  That’s what we’re talking about.  The vocational challenges our tendency to settle for lip service.  Back to being in love with someone…  When we are in love with someone, or someone is in love with us, we know it not because of a rational argument or strong feelings of passion.  We know it because of action.  The love notes, the hand-holding, the new priority of our time and energy – all are expressions of our intellectually founded and emotionally impassioned love.  None of my college friends had to wonder if I was in love when I met Lynne.  They knew it because they rarely saw me anymore.  Why?  I was in love.  This is how we need to think about believing in God.

How do we fall in love with God?  How can we fall in love with someone/thing so abstract?  The love referred to is the Greek agapaō from which we get agape love.  Agape is the highest form of love – it simply exists.  It is the foundation of all other loves, in a sense.  In a later letter to the churches, John says that God is love – that God’s character and nature are that love.  So many times in the Old Testament, when a person would experience God they would give God a new name that described their experience.  Many of those experiences and subsequent names reflect that love, and it was nearly always a surprise.  Isn’t that really how falling in love works?  It’s more than sex appeal.  At some point, we begin to see someone in new ways, with new eyes, with new appreciation.  When we’re open to it, we see beauty all over the place in this person, which takes us deeper into love.  I would submit to you that creation itself – and all people in it – reflect the creative force we call God.  Incredible beauty.  When we sow into what we know is love, we see lovely things come from it, which only motivates more love.  This God-as-Love is bigger than the universe, yet more intimately infused in us than we can ever really appreciate.  God is both far away and as near as can be.

What happens when the three-legged-stool of believing is focused on the source of life itself?  A life that is more and more infused with the same life-giving nature of love that is the generating force of creation itself.  Why is it a whole and lasting life, as Eugene Peterson’s translation suggests?  Because the life is rooted in that which lasts forever, and love, by its very nature, is interested in being whole, not fragmented.  If you want a life that is rich, deep, whole, and ties into the very fabric of the universe (which means it makes a positive difference for all of creation), Jesus is telling us to follow in his footsteps that bring all three legs of belief into motion.  It is not always aligned with the surrounding culture, but it is good and works for everyone.

If you read the full text of John 3, you will come across some very negative language, and the use of words like condemnation, judgment, and wrath.  It’s not as ugly as it sounds.  First, realize that the eternal life promised in John 3:16 has nothing to do with afterlife – it’s all referring to life lived on planet earth.  Same with the negative stuff.  If we’re not sowing into life and love, then we’re not going to reap the fruit of life and love.  Instead of harmony and wholeness, we’re stuck with discord and fragmentation.  No need for God to meddle – this is just common sense.

A final note about light and darkness.  As noted, Jesus’ most succinct statement of what faith is supposed to be about is wrapped up in John 3:16-17.  It’s predicated on understanding God as agape writ as large as the cosmos itself.  But we are lizard brained creatures, and we easily resort to more fear-based faith where God is a judge waiting to bring down the hammer on all the evildoers.  Both messages exist in the entire Bible because the authors of all the books of the Bible are human beings who struggle with the tension.  Nicodemus was in the dark in part because he was rooted in that fear-based faith.  Are we?  Is our motivation to be faithful based on the fear of God’s retribution if we fail?  Or is our motivation for faith based on our increasing love and appreciation for the countless expressions of God and love and life that call us to engage it all in loving, life-giving ways?  The former cowers in shadow.  The latter dances in the light.  Which one are you choosing?  Which one is stretching you?

Atomic: More

There is so much more to the story of Jesus turning water into wine than a really cool – and apropos – party trick.  The writer of the Gospel of John, of course, using different source material for his remembrance of Jesus, is the only one with this story and, since he writes with greater theological depth using symbolism throughout, we must take time to notice.  Not to do so would be akin to walking as fast as possible through the Louvre in an effort to see it all.  In the end, you may have seen everything, and yet you didn’t really see much of anything.  This Gospel is a masterpiece.  Rush if you wish, but know that if you do, you are only opting for the most obvious and basic gift it offers, and are missing the heart of the book and in fact, the reason for its writing.

There is so much more to this story than meets the eye in a casual reading of John’s second chapter.  The context of a wedding that brings to memory and imagination not just this moment, but THE moment to come at the consummation of history when the great marriage finally takes place between the Creator and the Created.  The entrance of Jesus just when the wine was running out, when joy was running out, just in time – at the right time – to help and send a message to all about the hopeful presence of God.  Mom/Mary who brought the shortcoming to consciousness, and then instructed the servants to be faithful to Jesus’ instructions.  Faithful servants who found themselves in the miracle – not just bystanders.  A head waiter who probably needed to tell the bridegroom that Jesus’ label was finer than the Charles Shaw that ran out.  An unknown number of guests who were responsible for the wine running out who were now enjoying great wine unawares of its origin.  This was all part of the first sign.  A sign that communicated great hope when it seemed to be running out – more than more-than-enough.  Inherent statements not just about the focal point, Jesus’ connection to the Spirit of God, but about how we engage and interface with the Spirit working in our midst.  It seems experiencing “more” is an option.  We can get in on it or we can just stand around and suck (wine).  But wait, there’s more…

John’s Gospel then brings a strange twist: Jesus going nuts in the Temple, overturning tables and causing a great mess.  John is the only Gospel that puts the story at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry instead of the end.  Most contemporary scholars agree that John probably was off on the timeline, but did so purposefully to provide a allusion to what was to come: conflict with the Temple’s leadership.  Spoiler: Jesus ends up getting killed thanks to the Temple leadership’s scheming.

Why include this story here, so closely tied with the wonderful, joyful wedding at Cana?  It’s because Jesus wasn’t just about keeping the good times going at a wedding – he came to get the good times going for all.  Jesus was an underdog.  Jesus was a champion of the underdog – the poor, the foreigner, the outcast, the judged, the widows, the children – all of whom were in their own way at risk.  When Jesus cleared the Temple, he was sweeping away a filthy expression of human greed in the most inappropriate space.  The Temple was supposed to be a space where people could feel connected to God.  It had become a “den of robbers” where the poorest of the poor were taken advantage of to line the pockets of those in power.  Jesus’ ministry was much more than a feel-good campaign with free food and great wine.  His ministry was deeply political and provocative all for the sake of calling out injustice and standing up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves.  Jesus’ mission wasn’t simply about getting people to heaven, it was much more than that – it was about helping as many people on earth experience as much heaven here and now as possible.  An experience of equality and equity, of being loved and respected, of being given dignity.  This is an intractable part of what Jesus was about. To not see this and not accept it as part of the package Jesus came to offer is like entering a marriage only for the purpose of procreation.  Sex.  It’s like saying to Jesus, “I’m a yes so long as we’re only talking about sex (and on my terms) – I’m not really interested in anything beyond that.”  I’m afraid the popular cultural understanding of what it means to be a person of faith – to be a Christian – is like this, where we essentially want God for our enjoyment alone, with little regard for relationship or wanting to be involved with what God wants. Just give me some more wine, please, and please stop saying things that upset the status quo. We know we’re not guilty of such spiritual hedonism when we join God in God’s work in the world out of love for God and the world.

I hope you see that Jesus is so much more, and invites you into so much more.  The Good News is that God is with us now and forever, bringing joyous hope where we thought it was running out, and inviting us to get in on the action so that we can experience it all more fully.  Bringing that hope means bringing it to those who don’t have so much hope, which draws attention to such a reality, which also draws attention to the system which allows and perpetuates the disparity to continue.  Sometimes that means flipping some tables.  Yet that’s where Jesus is, because that’s where the Spirit of God is, because God’s heart is for everyone, and when the deck is stacked against some, God moves in their direction.

Some of you have opted for more already.  You’ve chosen to be like the servants who filled the water jars and took the new wine to the emcee.  Some of you are like the emcee, who let people know what they were tasting because they might not otherwise.  Or you are like Mary who encouraged faithfulness on the part of others.  Maybe you’re even like Jesus, being used of the Spirit to bring hope and joy and equality and equity where it was needed.  Or maybe you’re just standing around sucking.  I hope you always choose more.

Atomic: Seeing

Have you ever had a truly life-altering experience that changed the way you looked at literally everything?  Have you ever tried to share your new insights with people who have not shared your experience?  Have you ever felt like there was no room for your perspective?  Have you ever been removed from a circle you once thought would always welcome you?  Have you ever come into the company of people who have shared your experiences, who understand and welcome your perspective and insights?

For the faith community that is represented in the Gospel of John, every one of the above questions would be answered with an emphatic “YES!”  This group of devoted Jewish men and women – likely living in the city of Ephesus where Judaism was well-represented and supported – were eventually kicked out of their faith community because they experienced something life-changing from the Spirit of God as they lived their Jewish faith from the insights of their fully Jewish model, Jesus.  By the time the oral traditions and scraps of written remembrances were recorded, the close of the first century C.E. was upon them.  Their experiences of God and that of their former community deeply informed what was written and why.

The Gospel of John begins with a poem that would have piqued the interest of any Jewish person as it would recall the opening of Genesis: In the beginning… The Word to which John’s Gospel refers is more than speech – it represents the logic, the mind of God, the ethos of God that provided the impetus for all of creation from the beginning: love.  An ethos which stood in stark contrast to many reigning beliefs that saw the gods and God very differently: vengeful; barely tolerant of the puny, noisy, messy, foolish human beings running amuck on the earth far below.  The view of God as the generative, creative, loving, life-and-light-giving Ground of Being created a very different foundation from which to build a life.  This perspective, which embraces the idea that everything and everyone everywhere is imbued with the Word means everyone and everything has inherent worth and deserves to be treated with dignity by virtue of being a reflection and repository of the presence of God.  Such an idea is dangerous to those who would prefer to measure the love that God has for others based on their personal biases and desires.  Human beings are innately aware of threats.  Our reptilian brains kick into gear when we sense that our security is being challenged – even the security of destructive systems that are themselves a threat to our potential for life.  To weather the storm that reaction-based fear brings from deeply-entrenched systems tests mettle.  What made the Johannine community so steadfast even as they endured the intense pain of being kicked out of the family?

I was born in Missouri, the Show Me State.  When someone says they’re from Missouri even though they’ve lived in Napa their entire lives, they are saying that they need to be convinced in the veracity of what they are being invited to consider.  They need to see for themselves whether or not a thing or idea is true before they buy in.  In a sense, everybody is from Missouri, but we generally don’t know it until we come upon something that, to embrace, would truly challenge our security.  John’s community had experienced something so compelling that they could not not believe and embrace following Jesus.  Individually, they had life-altering experiences that caused them to see everything differently.  Once seen, they couldn’t “unsee” it.

What they saw was what John’s prologue poem was communicating: the Word came to give light and life to everything and everyone.  The Light they saw could not be understood by those who had yet to see; nor could it extinguish the light.  This enlightened perspective was there to stay for this community of faith.  So powerful was their experience that being ostracized from their faith family of origin – and even death because of their new way of seeing – could not and did not dissuade them.  They carried on in hope, proclaiming what they believed as best they could, spreading the Word, bearing light, sharing life.

I think there is merit to a “seeing is believing” way of life.  Apparently, this was a key piece in John’s theology as well.  In the first fifty verses of his Gospel, references to seeing show up twenty-three times by my count.  What they were seeing changed the way they believed.  What were they seeing?  The very Word of God at work before their eyes – a different kind of seeing than simply that which our optic nerves and surrounding components can perceive.  They experienced God.  It is possible to forget even the most incredible experiences of God – that’s a fact (see The Transforming Moment by John Loder). If you are placing yourself in the community of other people who have had similar experiences of God, however, the odds are good that you will not only maintain your belief, but that it will grow as your experience is supported by mutual sharing.  (Side note: Coals grow cold when separated from the fire.  They stay red-hot when in the company of others.  Beware trying to practice your faith in isolation!)

Seeing is believing leads to believing is seeing – we begin to see what was always there, now visible because of our belief.  Those in John’s community (and beyond) began seeing God in their midst in everything and everyone because of their belief.  This only served to increase their faith – and resolve – as they moved forward with their lives in community.  They experienced Light shining even while surrounded by the worst forms of darkness and all its violence and death.  This is the vision of faith John wants us to see from the very beginning, because this ethos has been around since the very beginning, because in the beginning, there was simply the Word, the ethos, of God.

The great question for us as we dive into John is this: have we seen the Light?  You will be faced with this question in different ways throughout this Gospel, which was the intent of the author.  During my pre-adult life, I thought I had it – I thought my faith was what it was supposed to be.  A good knowledge of the Bible after having grown up in the church, and a pretty good understanding of the ethic of the Christian faith.  The point was to live according to the precepts of the faith as taught and lived by Jesus.  I only discovered that what I had was only religion after I saw the “more” possible in someone else.  Not that religion alone is all bad – it’s just that it misses out on so much more.  The relationship piece is a real thing, and this reality makes an enormous difference in one’s understanding of the religion and how to employ its ethics.  I think it is fair to say that the Gospel of John is surely on board with this way of thinking.  That belief would allow people to become children of God is a nod to saying that we can experience and be more, but that “more” is predicated on seeing – that’s where the greater power lies.  John the Baptist and the new disciples of Jesus all saw, and their lives were forever changed.

Seeing requires an atomic change.  Very small yet very big at the same time.  The smallest, simplest shift, yet so difficult because of how much we rely on the eyes of intellect and reason so much more than any other receptor.  It’s not that the faith is anti-intellectual or unreasonable – quite the opposite, really.  It’s just that seeing the movement of God requires us to let go of our need to control or understand fully before allowing ourselves to see.  I think it is somewhat akin to various aspects of love.  Love is unreasonable, and yet once we love someone – various types of love for various types of relationships – we know we do.  Our love is not necessary logical or reasonable, yet it is there in all of its power just the same.  Seeing is like that.  We have to lower our guard to be open to Someone else.  Once we do, we have a greater shot at seeing the Divine in our midst.

I have no formula for you – only encouragement to be open to it and pursue it.  It has changed my life over and over again for the better.  It has changed the lives of countless others as well, including the Apostle Paul, who is noted as the author of a letter to the church in ancient Ephesus where he wrote:

     All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.
     God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ—which is to fulfill his own good plan. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan…

     Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. – Ephesians 1:3-11, 15-17 (NLT)

May you find yourself truly seeing this week as you open your eyes to the “more” which has been in front of you, in you, around you the whole time, longing to be seen and believed.

Atomic: Introduction

James Clear had a dream to play professional baseball like his dad, who played in the minor leagues for the St. Louis Cardinals.  But that dream was severely challenged the last day of his sophomore year in high school when he got hit between the eyes with a baseball bat that flew from a classmate’s hands after a full swing.  At first, he seemed surprisingly okay.  But as swelling set in, he found himself struggling to stay alive.  He made it through the worst night of an induced coma, which allowed him to be signed off for surgery.  He discovered that his injury was going to make daily life very difficult for a long time.  Cognitive ability was diminished, large motor skills had to be relearned, he temporarily lost his sense of smell, and when he blew his nose, one of his eyeballs nearly popped out.

But James was determined not to let his injury keep him down.  He worked his tail off and made his varsity baseball team his senior year.  Somehow, he got picked up by Denison University to play baseball for them, which felt like a great achievement in and of itself.  He knew that if he hoped to play, it would require a series of tiny decisions to make the dream of playing college ball a reality.  In many ways, he became “opposite freshman” – he got to bed early to develop good sleep habits, kept his room neat and tidy, and integrated study habits that allowed him to get straight A’s.  Six years after his injury, he was selected as the top male athlete at Denison University, named to the ESPN Academic All-America Team which was bestowed upon only thirty-three students nationwide, and received the President’s Medal – the university’s highest academic honor.

While he never played professional baseball, he did begin going after a new dream.  He began sharing his insights about forming tiny habits that make big differences in an online newsletter.  In a relatively small amount of time, he had hundreds of thousands of people subscribing to his work.  That led to the development of his company which trains leaders to develop better habits that impact their work and life.  It also led to the writing of his book, Atomic Habits, which details his strategy and offers practiced insights into developing tiny habits that create the possibility of significant benefits.  One of his convictions is that willpower is overrated.  We blame our lack of willpower for not sticking with things like dieting, exercise, financial habits, etc.  While it does play a modest role, Clear’s findings suggest that we are more behavioral than we’d like to think, and that our habits actually dictate our lives more than we would care to admit.  For him, then, if we change our habits in tiny ways, we change our path, our stripes, everything.  He uses the example of a plane taking off from SFO headed for JFK.  If the plane is off course by only three percent – imperceptible at the beginning – the plane will end up landing at Dulles in D.C. instead of New York.  Tiny changes in our habits make big differences.  Change our habits, change our lives.

Habits are routines or behaviors that we repeat regularly, and in many cases automatically.  I would bet that most of us repeat a similar set of habits every day in our morning routine. Without giving you more detail than you can stomach, my mornings usually include feeding our dog, Banjo, making and eating breakfast, downing my first cup of coffee while reading, getting cleaned up for the day, and away I go.  The order in which I do these tasks is now habitual.  I don’t even think about them.  They work for me.  Some habits, however, are not so good.  I have been known on occasion to overeat unhealthy-yet-delicious food when I’m under a lot of stress.  Or find myself getting distracted with “shiny things” when I need to focus.  Or binge Netflix to the neglect of household projects that need to get done.    Some habits are very good and healthy.  Lynne and I take walks pretty frequently – almost daily when the weather is good.  That’s a good habit.  When we walk, we nearly always hold hands, which is good for our relationship in many ways.  All of these are habits that we have intentionally or otherwise cultivated.  Very small things, really, that have their affect on our lives.

Jesus developed habits – some were instilled in him and others he put in place.  Before he began his adult ministry, we read that he “grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people” (Luke 2:52 NLT).  Wisdom – he learned.  Stature – he matured. Favor with God – he was in the Spirit’s flow. Favor with people – he was well liked for the best reasons.  In the Letter to the Ephesians regarding roles played in the church, we read that pastors and teachers have the responsibility “to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12 NLT).  My hope is to help you follow in the footsteps of Jesus, that you would grow in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and all people.  There are lots of things I do as pastor, but this is my highest priority.  There are habits that can be cultivated which will foster such fruit, and one in particular that I want to encourage you to integrate now, or perhaps tweak what you are doing for a six-month experiment (which sounds big, but is actually quite tiny, and may only require a couple of minutes). 

There is one habit in particular that may have more impact than others in creating healthy, vigorous soil which can then allow for healthy growth in terms of your faith development, which is really your life development.  Some of you already do it, some have tried it but don’t anymore, and others have never tried it for some very good reasons.  The one habit I’m talking about is devoting time to cultivate your relationship with God in a very particular way.  It will do much to help you in every aspect of your life, and it will be slightly different than what you’re used to doing.  It will require some tiny habits to be formed.

In what we call the Old Testament we find the story of a young boy named Samuel who was under the care of Israel’s priest, Eli:

     One night, Eli, who was almost blind by now, had gone to bed. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was sleeping in the Tabernacle near the Ark of God. Suddenly the Lord called out, “Samuel!”
     “Yes?” Samuel replied. “What is it?” He got up and ran to Eli. “Here I am. Did you call me?”
     “I didn’t call you,” Eli replied. “Go back to bed.” So he did.
     Then the Lord called out again, “Samuel!”
     Again Samuel got up and went to Eli. “Here I am. Did you call me?”
     “I didn’t call you, my son,” Eli said. “Go back to bed.”
     Samuel did not yet know the Lord because he had never had a message from the Lord before. So the Lord called a third time, and once more Samuel got up and went to Eli. “Here I am. Did you call me?”
     Then Eli realized it was the Lord who was calling the boy. So he said to Samuel, “Go and lie down again, and if someone calls again, say, ‘Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went back to bed.
     And the Lord came and called as before, “Samuel! Samuel!”
     And Samuel replied, “Speak, your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:2-10 NLT)

I find it incredibly interesting that the words were included, “Samuel did not yet know the Lord because he had never had a message from the Lord before.”  Of course!  This has little to do with Samuel’s level of commitment to God or his giving assent to the Jewish faith.  It has everything to do with the level of familiarity in his relationship with God.  When I first saw Lynne, I was devoted!  But I didn’t know her voice until I spent time with her.  Surely there are voices you hear and within a split second you know who you’re listening too.  Samuel needed to be instructed on how to develop the relationship with God, to learn God’s voice.  God was speaking, but Samuel didn’t know it yet. You cannot recognize the voice if you never know the voice. 

One of the enduring, time-proven methods of learning to recognize God’s voice is through a practice called Lectio Divina, a Benedictine approach to the Bible which translates “Divine Reading.”  I want to encourage you to develop this habit, with a twist.  Normally, this approach avoids academics, and opts for God to speak through the text itself even if what is being received has nothing to do with the text’s original intent.  That’s what I want to tweak just a little bit.

The Apostle Paul told his protégé, Timothy, to keep up the practices which would form his faith:

     But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra—but the Lord rescued me from all of it. Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. But evil people and impostors will flourish. They will deceive others and will themselves be deceived.
     But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. (2 Timothy 3:10-17 NLT)

I am asking you to build a routine of Lectio Divina Plus into your life with the help of tiny habits.  I’m asking you all to read just a portion of scripture together, hopefully every day.  Not a lot – the whole exercise might take as little as 10 minutes (or even two!), yet you might find yourself making room for more.  The text I’d like you to read is the text that I will speak on the following week.  So, for this week, I am asking you to read the first chapter of the Gospel of John every day.  It will take you around six minutes.  Before you read, use Eli’s advised quote, “Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.”  Read the text slowly, highlighting what jumps out at you along the way.  After you read it, jot a note about what jumped out at you – not an academic question, but rather what your take-home message might be.  What you are doing is trusting that the Spirit of God is at work in the process, speaking to you through nudges and impressions from the scripture itself.  By the way, I did this my sophomore year in college.  Every day it seemed like something new was jumping out at me.  It works.

Here’s the twist, though.  There is room for study and academics.  At my Wednesday PraXis gatherings, I will share with you key insights from academia that will help you see the text more deeply.  I will also make those notes available online, so if you can’t make it, you still get the goods.  Note: I did my doctoral thesis out of the Gospel of John – I know it pretty well!  We will truly learn from each other on Wednesdays, and your input will shape what I bring back to you on Sundays. 

When you approach the Bible in this way – Lectio Divina first and research second – you get the most bang for your buck.  You’re allowing the Spirit to speak into your life however God wants and needs, and you are also honoring the intent of the author in appreciating what he wrote in context.

To build this routine into your life is going to require messing with current habits.  Here are some quick tips from Atomic Habits to help you get and stay on track.

·       Set the time you are going to do this each day.  According to a research project conducted in Great Britain on the subject of exercise, your likelihood of actually doing this more than doubles simply by writing down when and where you will do this.  This is called implementation intention.  Write down something like this: “I will do Lectio Divina at “X” time daily for at least 10 minutes.” 

·       Stack this habit onto a preexisting habit.  When we attach our desired habit to a preexisting habit, we create a cue to encourage the new one to stick.  For me, attaching Lectio Divina to my first cup of coffee makes the reading even easier, plus, since I love my first cup of coffee, it adds a built-in reward.  Add writing a few notes to the exercise, and you’ve got yourself a nicely stacked set of habits.  It might look like this: pour coffee > Lectio Divina > write down reflections.  You are employing the Diderot Effect.

·       Set your tools out where you’re going to do this to make it easier.  Placing a reminder of what you want to do in plain sight has proven to be incredibly powerful in getting your habit to stick because you’re are reminded of it and you have made it easier to make routine.

James Clear was able to excel in college (and in baseball, too) because he made tiny shifts that allowed bigger changes to take place.  There is no greater resource at your disposal than your life.  Being connected to the very source of our lives and the well from which we draw wisdom will mature us in all the best ways, help us be in lockstep with God, and make a positive impact in the world.  Or we could stick with our current habits and remain unchanged: keep doin’ what you’re doin’ to keep gettin’ what you’re getting’!

A Christmas Carol: Keeping Christmas

Before Ebenezer Scrooge was done with his visit from the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, he pledged to keep Christmas the whole year through, and to keep all three ghosts with him as well.  The evidence suggests that he lived up to his commitment given the way he behaved in the final scene of Dickens’ classic novella: charitable, humble, generous, penitent, joyful, gracious.  Scrooge is a fictitious character, of course, but Dickens tells us that his transformation stuck, presumably for the rest of his life.  What might he have done to ensure that he remained born again?  What might we do?

I think a clue Dickens may have given us is Scrooge’s statement that he would keep the ghosts with him.  I wonder if Scrooge reflected regularly on the visits of the ghosts and the lessons he drew from them.  For the Ghost of Christmas past, I wonder if he may have journaled something like this:

     There were choices others made that affected me.  My father, for so many years, left me to the care of my boarding school – even over the Christmas holiday.  This is not what I wanted.  I was hurt, alone, and felt abandoned.  In my apprenticeship years, Fezziwig made a different choice than my father.  My old boss was generous and joyful at Christmas – what a time we had!  During that time in my life I even fell in love – I made the choice to make room for Belle.  But over time, my fear of being poor won the battle over my priorities, and I slowly and surely let my relationship with Belle – my love – die.  I chose who I became.  So I choose to be mindful of the forces that came together to form me: the choices others made that affected me deeply both positively and negatively, and the choices I made that set me on my course.  I choose to be mindful of the choices I make.

There would be times when Ebenezer would have been tempted to revert back to his old ways.  Fears would creep up of being left alone and he would perhaps find himself in spaces of low self-esteem that would trigger his self-protective modes of being.  Or the market might stumble and his fear of poverty would trigger his miserliness to come to the surface.  At those moments, having a journal entry like the one above might just help him remember where he had come from and serve to help him keep Christmas.

For the Ghost of Christmas Present, I wonder if his journal entry might have included a variation of this:

     While I walked around the streets of London, I saw that everyone was in a festive mood, enjoying each other and the season in every way.  Good cheer all around.  At Bob Cratchit’s home there was only love, even though the feast was meager.  Even though I gave no reason for receiving honor that night, Bob granted it anyway.  Tiny Tim, who had every reason to be bitter, was instead full of love and faith.  My Nephew Fred and his friends were carrying on with great joy at the dinner I was invited to.  Meanwhile, that very night I was cold and alone in my room; bitter, angry, and suspicious of the world around me, guarding the wealth that was not serving me or anyone else.  I was the one missing out on life and love and joy.  That was the choice I was making.  It was hurting me, and it was refusing blessing on those closest to me. In truth, I could have made Bob’s Christmas so much the merrier, and I could have brought joy to Fred by accepting his invitation.  I hurt myself, and I hurt them.  I will choose to live in the moment, to choose joy and love, and to offer what I have for the joy of others.

There would come times in Ebenezer’s life when he would wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or get discouraged because it wouldn’t feel like his changes were making any real difference, or maybe the people he helped disappointed him in some way.  Fred might forget to be so cheery, or Bob might buy an expensive toy for himself when his family’s needs were not yet met.  At those moments, going back to what he experienced that night with the Ghost of Christmas Present just might serve to strengthen his resolve even when he didn’t feel like it.

For the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, perhaps his diary had these words within it:

     What an awful visit this was – a clarion call to pay attention to what my apathy was causing and perpetuating.  No more Tiny Tim because Bob couldn’t afford the medical care he needed.  No more me, and no one mourning the loss of my life.  I learned that the life I led was a dead end.  I didn’t take my wealth with me, didn’t do anything with it, and the world was no better for it.  All due to choices I made.  I woke up determined not to make those same choices.  I choose to stay awake today.  I will use what I have to make a difference in the world – with those I know and care about, and with those who I don’t know.  I will be generous with what I have for their sake and mine.

There would come moments for Scrooge when he would forget that his days were numbered and that his wealth would not move with him into the next life.  He would forget that death comes for everyone and that our legacy will not be in our titles or possessions, but rather what we did with our titles and possessions beyond self-indulgence.  In those moments of forgetfulness he may have been less inclined toward generosity and selflessness.  Being able to turn back and remember what happened that night and the insight he gained would perhaps serve to correct his vision and get him back on track.

Put yourself in Scrooge’s shoes.  Imagine taking the same journey with the same ghosts.  What do you imagine your visits being like?  What would you be journaling after each?

There is an interesting note in the Christmas Story in Luke’s Gospel.  After Mary gave birth, the shepherds who were tending their flock came to visit, recounting their angelic visit.  Luke tells us that “Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often” (Luke 2:19).  I think she was onto something here.  And I think we need to learn from her.  I am sure there were many moments going forward when Mary would remember all that had happened along her journey.  Her reflection undoubtedly kept her centered as she followed Jesus through his highs and lows, not always certain which experiences Jesus thought were highs or lows.

The idea of remembering one’s identity with great intention was and is a key practice in our (and every) faith tradition.  It appears that we human beings have a tendency to forget who we are and who we are called to become.  We get tempted by the pressures of the moment, or the day, or the season, and find ourselves off track.  In the Hebrew scriptures the remembering is directed in two ways.  First, especially when the people got off track and found themselves in a mess, the prayers of the people were asking God to remember who God was, primarily so that God wouldn’t resort to being too harsh on the people God claimed to love!  Remember your children, remember your people, remember your promise, Oh God! 

Remembering was also a part of the rhythm of the life of faith directed to help people recall who they were and where they had come from.  The intention required to set aside time for personal prayer and reflection, time to gather with others in the faith to remember we’re not alone, time to do things we don’t otherwise do – take communion, sing songs, learn, meditate, give away our time and money – all of these and more serve to remind us of who we are so that we can keep Christmas.  Keeping Christmas is bigger than December 25th, bigger than it’s twelve days, bigger than Advent, bigger than the gift-giving marketing that begins showing up at Walmart in August.  Keeping Christmas is a reminder to keep the Christ part of our daily mass, our daily lives.  God didn’t simply break into our world in Jesus on one particular day.  The point of that was that God breaks into life everyday in every situation.  God cannot not break into life because the presence of God is interwoven into life itself, into the creation that was sourced from God somehow in the beginning.  Keeping Christmas is about remembering, re-membering, keeping whole and together that which might otherwise get fragmented.  Religion’s real purpose is to re-ligament, to keep things connected that would otherwise fall apart.

There is great value in pondering.  Reflecting on our lives as we live life helps us maintain perspective, stay centered, and choose wisely.  We are more likely to make choices that help us become who we long to become and live out of our True Selves.  In light of Scrooge who surely must have been intentional about remembering where he came from, and in light of Mary who pondered things in her heart, how are you going to keep Christmas?

Questions:

1.       How are you keeping Christmas?

2.       How are you keeping the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come with you?

3.       How are you pondering deep things in your heart as you move forward in life?

A Christmas Carol: Christmas Day Reborn

The final scene from Charles Dickens’ classic novela, A Christmas Carol, gives us a lasting testament to the changed life of the central character, Ebenezer Scrooge.  The contrast could not be more pronounced from the opening scene where, you may recall, Scrooge literally and figuratively “Bah Humbuged” everything that hinted of Christmas specifically, and by extension all things that resembled human compassion and decency in general.  The harsh, rude rejection of his nephew Fred’s invitation to Christmas dinner, the insensitive and inhumane attitude toward the men collecting funds for the poor, and the cold, willfully unaware mistreatment of his underpaid struggling family-man employee, Bob Cratchit all painted a picture of a man who was interested entirely and solely in himself.  No hint of charity appeared to exist in the lonely old man.

A visit from the ghost of his seven-years-dead business partner, Jacob Marley, warned him of three spirits who would be visiting him soon: the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come, all with the goal of waking Scrooge up to himself, everyone else, and what makes life worth living.  With each visit Scrooge’s assumptions and biases are highlighted and challenged by the ghosts, and with each encounter, Ebenezer’s heart slowly softens as his vision gets corrected. By the end of the last spirit’s exchange, our hard-nosed curmudgeon declared himself to be a changed man who would not be the same.  His lips communicated that he was a changed man.  Would the new dawn serve to give testimony to a truly changed heart, mind, and life?  How would we know if he was really a changed man?

The final chapter begins with Scrooge realizing that he is not dead, but alive – really, really alive – and for the first time in forever, even giddy with joy.  He soon discovers that he has been reborn in time for Christmas morning.  His first order of business?  He spends money on an excessively large gift for Bob Cratchit and his family – a large prize turkey for the poor family’s dinner.  Ebenezer even provided a financial incentive for the boy who arranged it, and cab fare for the poulterer to cover delivery.  His first act of the day gives us an allusion to what would follow.

As Scrooge enters the world as a new man, we stroll the streets of London with him, noting his entirely changed mood.  He sings with the carolers he earlier no doubt scorned and wished a “Merry Christmas” to all he passed.  He happened upon the same men who had asked him the day before for a charitable contribution.  They were not particularly delighted to see him given their first encounter.  Ebenezer did more than announce his intention to provide a generous gift: he also acknowledged that he was aware that his name was likely not music to their ears, and that his gift included many-a back contribution from Christmases long passed.  A gift with a confession.

We continue following our born again companion and witness him working his way into his nephew’s home to give Fred a gift – the gift of himself at Christmas dinner, which is the only thing he ever wanted from his uncle.  Dickens included a subtle, additional gift in his written work.  He didn’t assume that he would be welcome.  He asked, “Will you let me in, Fred?”  This simple question communicates volumes about the attitude which was born from a changed heart.  The question itself is a confession – he knew he had been a pig (film adaptations include Ebenezer apologizing to Fred’s wife for his cold-heartedness).  Fred and the rest were more than delighted to let him in.  The festivities commenced, and Scrooge’s participation gave further evidence that his words that morning still rang true.

A final, beautiful scene follows the very next morning where we find Scrooge at his office – early – to make sure he is in his seat before Bob Cratchit arrives.  Bob arrives late due to too much merriment the night before, we learn, and Ebenezer lets him know of his tardiness.  But instead of a reprimand, Scrooge informs Bob that he is to be given a raise, that he will find support for Tiny Tim in him, and is ordered to immediately go buy more coal so as to appropriately heat the office.  Cratchit is dumbfounded.  Once again, we hear from the employer’s mouth a confession that he was making up for many years of humbug.  Two gifts dovetailing into an unmistakable testimony of his changed heart, mind, and life.  A narrator’s voice concludes the story sharing that Scrooge made good on his word in every way and more, that he became as good a man as was ever known in London, and became like a second father to Tiny Tim.  Ebenezer Scrooge stayed reborn.  He truly kept Christmas in his heart the whole year through.  He lived with the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come as constant companions which produced fruit of a continually changed heart that changed his mind and behavior.  Or was it his changed behavior that altered his mind and heart?  Or was it his changed mind that transformed his behavior and heart? Yes, yes, and yes.

While the story of the Wise Men is often depicted as part of the Christmas scene in the nativity scenes we place in our homes, they actually would have showed up much later – sometime within a couple of years of Jesus’ birth.  Anachronistic for sure, they still offer some insight for our story today.

     Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the reign of King Herod. About that time some wise men from eastern lands arrived in Jerusalem, asking, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star as it rose, and we have come to worship him.”
     King Herod was deeply disturbed when he heard this, as was everyone in Jerusalem. He called a meeting of the leading priests and teachers of religious law and asked, “Where is the Messiah supposed to be born?”
     “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they said, “for this is what the prophet wrote:
          ‘And you, O Bethlehem in the land of Judah,
          are not least among the ruling cities of Judah,
          for a ruler will come from you
          who will be the shepherd for my people Israel.’”
     Then Herod called for a private meeting with the wise men, and he learned from them the time when the star first appeared. Then he told them, “Go to Bethlehem and search carefully for the child. And when you find him, come back and tell me so that I can go and worship him, too!”
     After this interview the wise men went their way. And the star they had seen in the east guided them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
     When it was time to leave, they returned to their own country by another route, for God had warned them in a dream not to return to Herod. – Matthew 2:1-12 (NLT)

These star-gazing scholars from the East looked to the heavens for signs of God’s activity.  They received their own heavenly visitation announcing Christmas – a new star – which in their way of thinking meant that a new king had been born.  Their thinking led to action: at great expense and with effort from an entourage, they made their journey toward Israel, one which would take many weeks or months to complete.  Along the way countless discussions would have ensued about who they were going to visit, and as they learned more and more about the Roman Empire’s occupation of Israel, their hearts most surely began to stretch as they considered what a newborn king might mean about the movement of God.  Upon discovering where the baby was to be born and finding him living in deep poverty, perhaps what happened to them was similar to Scrooge – their eyes, mind, heart, and hands opening further and further?  The gifts themselves were confessions.  All gifts that were appropriate to give to royalty – of great value – they each carried special meaning.  Gold fit for a king.  Frankincense used in priestly ways to connect God and people in prayerful worship.  Myrrh saved for proper burial – a prophetic gift needed in due time.  Gold, frankincense, and myrrh for a man who would be seen as a prophet, priest, and king.  Thoughtful gifts that confessed an intentional mind at work.  Heartfelt gifts that evoked passion in the preparing and giving.  Expensive gifts that required extra care in handling to insure they arrived safe and sound.  More than simply tangible gifts, the confessions imbued in them added great depth and nuance that could not have been missed by Mary and Joseph, by us, or especially by them!

There is much present within these two dovetailing stories for us to chew on.  On a very practical level, as you give gifts this Christmas, I wonder if it might be wise for us to take a moment and reflect on what we would like to confess with the giving of the gift.  While the tangible expression is itself sometimes important, I wonder if we, as givers, would benefit much more from the giving if we dialed into the deeper “why” behind the what we give.  My hunch is it might enhance everything about the giving experience for us and the recipient.

Ebenezer Scrooge pledged to keep Christmas the whole year through.  The Magi kept Christmas their entire journey back to Baghdad and likely the rest of their lives.  At times I believe this keeping of Christmas is effortless.  When we are reminded of the most important things in life, we often find ourselves at our best, deepest, and most thoughtful.  At other times, however, I think we need to be more intentional, setting reminders, carving out time, placing triggers to make sure we stay centered when life’s busyness seems to distract and derail us.  James Finley, on speaking about meditation in an every day mindfulness sort of way, offers this:

     Perhaps by trial and error, with no one to guide us, we find our own way to respond to the unconsummated longings of our awakened heart. We, in effect, discover our own personal ways to meditate. By meditation I mean, in this context, any act habitually entered into with our whole heart as a way of awakening and sustaining a more interior meditative awareness of the present moment. The meditation practice we might find ourselves gravitating toward could be baking bread, tending the roses, or taking long, slow walks to no place in particular. Or we might find ourselves being interiorly drawn to painting or to reading or writing poetry or listening to certain kinds of music. Our meditation practice may be that of being alone, truly alone, without any addictive props or escapes. Or our practice may be that of being with the person in whose presence we awakened to what is most real and vital in our life. . . . We cannot explain it, but when we give ourselves over to these simple acts, we are taken to a deeper place. We become once again more grounded and settled in a meditative awareness of the depth of the life we are living.

For Ebenezer Scrooge and everyone everywhere for all time, Christmas is more than a day.  Christmas is a mindset, an opportunity to live fully conscious and as present as possible to the life we are living in cooperation with all other people and the entirety of creation itself – all in a never-ending dance with God who created it all, who showed up in the most peculiar place so long ago, reminding us to pay attention, because you just never know where God might show up next.

A Christmas Carol: The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come

The last Ghost to visit our softening central character is the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.  Dickens paints the picture of this phantom borrowing from popular images of the Grim Reaper.  A dark, shadowy, hooded, silent, larger-than-life character with long bony fingers that merely point in the direction where attention should be given.  This journey revolves around the death of two people and the responses elicited.  Hospitality workers who were under one of the deceased’s employ, along with his undertaker are witnessed pawning off some goods they lifted from the dead man’s home and person.  No remorse at his death – only a little hope that from it they might profit.  Another scene shows men Scrooge knows at the Stock Exchange, speaking of the death of a man they all knew.  Not one of them felt or displayed any remorse, and they joked that the only reason they might attend a funeral would be to gain a free lunch. Yet another scene depicts a young couple who were in great despair because they were late in paying their mortgage debt, which could very well mean that they were headed for debtor’s prison.  The husband speaks news to the wife: the man servicing their loan died!  They had more time to get their money together while a new mortgage servicer was determined.  The man’s death was truly good news for it meant life for them.  Scrooge, not amused that not one person could be found with any remorse that this unknown man’s life was over, asked to be shown someone who truly mourned the loss of another’s life.

Scrooge recognized Bob Cratchit’s house from the previous ghost’s visit.  Inside that home there was no shortage of mourning.  Not for the old man who died, but for Tiny Tim.  The whole family wept.  Eavesdropping on the scene, we learn that Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, expressed condolences to Bob, and even offered to help set up his older son with an apprenticeship.  Scrooge himself was overcome as well, before heading to a final scene in a run-down, overgrown cemetery, where Scrooge was directed toward one grave in particular.  Before he dared look, however, he had some questions to ask of the ghost:

     “Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only?... Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me!...

     Spirit! Hear me! I am not the man I was.  I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope!...

     Good Spirit, your nature intercedes for me, and pities me. Assure me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life!”

The story of Jesus’ birth features a visit from a different Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.  Mary and Joseph, in particular, were both visited separately with unwelcome news.  They were going to have a son, but not in a way that brings with it baby showers and well-wishers.  Mary’s visit went like this:

     In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a village in Galilee, to a virgin named Mary. She was engaged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of King David. Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you!”
     Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!”
     Mary asked the angel, “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.”
     The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. What’s more, your relative Elizabeth has become pregnant in her old age! People used to say she was barren, but she has conceived a son and is now in her sixth month. For the word of God will never fail.” –
Luke 1:26-37 (NLT)

Joseph’s experience went like this:

     This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, to whom she was engaged, was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.
     As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:18-21 (NLT)

For Joseph and Mary, the forecast was a genuine mixed bag.  Good news for humanity that required them to embrace some very bad news personally.  Bad news that was going to exact a heavy toll on their lives yet would be better for them and everyone else in the long run.  In each case, they both expressed their intent with their lips: Mary uttered her beautiful, simple, pure faithful vow, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” Joseph chose to not speak words of rejection to Mary but welcomed her instead.

Joseph and Mary, like Scrooge, were faced with questions only they could answer: what do I want my life to mean?  Will my life have made any real difference?  Will anyone mourn my passing?  Worse, will some be glad I’ve died?

These are excellent questions for every person to entertain throughout life.  Last week we laid to rest Barbara Springsteadah, a wonderful woman of faith who was remembered for more than being an avid Niners fan, Warriors fan, and Cheetoh’s fan.  One phrase prevailed to describe Barabara: “unconditional love.”  She did not live a life of luxury or wealth.  Yet her life deeply impacted those she touched, and her example lives on as one to follow.  Especially toward the end of Barb’s life, you would hear about the hope that drove her: she was looking forward to where she was going next.  Somehow Barb’s belief in the love of God was so complete and real that she didn’t live marked by fear, but rather compelled to love.

Sometimes we are won to faith out of fear of what will happen after death.  Obviously, fear is a huge motivator for all living creatures, and has definitely been used by people of faith to inform decisions from the beginning of time.  Jesus and his disciples used a mixture of fear and hope in their rhetoric to wake people up to the most important questions of life.  I would encourage you, however, to move away from a fear-based faith as fast as you possibly can.  Fear begets fear, not love.  Instead, I would encourage you to immerse yourself in the love of God that compelled Jesus and his disciples to love others radically and in some cases recklessly.  Scrooge came face to face with the reality of his impending doom, but much more than that, he finally saw clearly how shallow and self-centered his life had become, and what little and poor legacy it left behind.  This story is about a shift away from being motivated by fear, and more and more about being motivated by love.  When love is the driving force, everything changes.  The way we think about ourselves, our resources, and our legacy changes. The way we treat others changes: those who work for us, those we work with, those we call family, even those we don’t know yet – we think of them differently when motivated by love.

Nancy Rynes was an atheist, not believing at all in anything beyond the grave.  But then she came face to face with death when she was struck by an SUV while riding her bicycle.  She had an out-of-body experience where she saw herself under the SUV, writhing in pain.  But she also experienced what she believed to be the presence of God which was marked by warm light and deep love (hear her tell her story here). She was so overwhelmed by the experience that it changed her life and belief.  Knowing that what is to come is love beyond limits and imagination, she is now choosing to live in more deeply loving ways, and is choosing not to live motivated by fear.

What and Who we call God is the very source of Life, our Ground of Being.  God’s character and nature, more than anything else, is described as love in great depth.  Love is our birthplace.  Love is our destination.  Love is what generates life. Love is the legacy worth leaving behind. 

What are you building your life on?  Are you more motivated by love or fear?  Who are the people who work for you?  Who are the people you work with?  Who do you call family? Who are the people you do not yet know but are connected to you?  In each of these cases, how are you relating?  In light of where you’ve come from and where you’re going, what is your response to the vision cast by the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come?  May it mirror our transforming protagonist:

     “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

A Christmas Carol: The Ghost of Christmas Present

It’s easy to get frustrated.  And incapacitated.  One study suggests coffee is bad for us.  Another says it will ward off dementia and Alzheimers.  What’s a sleep-deprived man to do?  Coffee is just the beginning, of course.  There are even more pressing issues (if you can believe it).  Like global warming.  Or border control.  Or Black Lives Matter. Or affordable housing.  Or Income disparity. Or gender inequality. Or discrimination based on sexual orientation. Or…  Lots of issues, all of which are incredibly complex.  It is easy to get frustrated, which can easily lead to doing absolutely nothing (with a grumpy expression on our face).  A Christmas Carol is a story about a very frustrated older man.  In this week’s episode, we encounter the second of three spirits who visited the crusty curmudgeon.

The second spirit to visit Scrooge was the Ghost of Christmas Present, which brought us from the past directly into Ebenezer’s daily reality.  From the first look, we got a clue about what kind of ride our primary character was in for.  The Ghost was wearing a massive green robe with white fur fringe, bare-chested to boot.  This dude is clearly ready to party!  He’s got great hair, too, and charisma that will bring joy to any room.  He carried a torch that imbued a special, sweet smoke wherever he directed that immediately lightened the mood.  Hmmm.  Apparently a giant doobie…  More than simply being the Life of the party, there is one detail that is so intentionally included that we must notice it: “Girded round its middle was an antique scabbard; but no sword was in it, and the ancient sheath was eaten up with rust.”  What a peculiar addition.

I think Dickens gave us this detail as a reminder of whose birth we are celebrating on Christmas Day:  the Prince of Peace.  Before he was even born, a Jewish priest uttered a prophecy about the one to come: “Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace” (Zechariah, in Luke 1:78-79 | NLT).    The angels referred to this quality when they gave the birth announcement from heaven:

     That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.”

     Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying, “Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.” – Luke 2:8-14 (NLT)

Eight days after Jesus was born his parents took him to the Temple to be circumcised – a Jewish ritual that extends nearly to the beginning of the faith.  An elderly, devout Jewish man named Simeon happened to be hanging around when they were there.  He experienced God telling him that he would not die until he laid eyes on the Messiah, the anointed one who was going to bring redemption to Israel.  When he saw them, he said, “Sovereign Lord, now let your servant die in peace, as you have promised. I have seen your salvation, which you have prepared for all people. He is a light to reveal God to the nations, and he is the glory of your people Israel” (Luke 2:29-32 |NLT).

Peace was perhaps the greatest gift that this child came to bring.  A moment of rest – a day off – but more than that.  Peace with God translating into peace with each other.  A day off of violence to choose love and joy instead.  The Apostle Paul spoke to his audiences about this peace that passes understanding.  A peace that enters during our lifetimes during the worst of times, giving us hope of Peace to come.  The scabbard didn’t hold a sword, and it hadn’t from the beginning.

The test of this peace came at Bob Cratchit’s home on Christmas Day.  His whole family would eventually be present, which gave him great joy.  Everyone tried to look their best, even though they were very, very poor.  Mrs. Cratchit did the best she could, as most Victorian women in England would: only being able to afford one dress, they would wear them inside out when the wear and tear exacted its toll.  On this day, she adorned her dress with bows to hide the stains and sections that were threadbare. 

Bob attended a mass before coming home for Christmas dinner, taking his youngest son, Tiny Tim, with him.  Asked how the lad did in the service, Bob shared with welled-up eyes:

     “As good as gold,” said Bob, “and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.”

After a great dinner together the Cratchit family gathered around the hearth to tell stories, sing songs, and raise a glass.  Bob Cratchit even chose to toast his stingy, mean boss, Ebenezer Scrooge, as the founder of their feast.  His wife vehemently protested.  Bob’s response?  It’s Christmas. A day when we walk around with rusty, sword-less scabbards.

Dickens paints the scene as the evening wore on: “There was nothing of high mark in this. They were not a handsome family; they were not well dressed; their shoes were far from being water-proof; their clothes were scanty; and Peter might have known, and very likely did, the inside of a pawnbroker’s. But, they were happy, grateful, pleased with one another, and contented with the time; and when they faded, and looked happier yet in the bright sprinklings of the Spirits torch at parting, Scrooge had his eye upon them, and especially on Tiny Tim, until the last.”  The love and warmth in that scene began to affect Scrooge’s icy heart.  He wondered about Tiny Tim’s fate:

     “If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, none other of my race,” returned the Ghost, “will find him here. What then? If he be like to die, he had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”

     Scrooge hung his head to hear his own words quoted by the Spirit and was overcome with penitence and grief.

     “Man,” said the Ghost, “if man you be in heart, not adamant, forbear that wicked can’t until you have discovered What the surplus is, and Where it is. Will you decide what men shall live, what men shall die? It may be, that in the sight of Heaven, you are more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this poor man’s child. Oh God! to hear the Insect on the leaf pronouncing on the too much life among his hungry brothers in the dust!”

The message sunk in for Ebenezer.  After the Cratchit home the spirit took them to his nephew’s home where dinner was commencing – the same dinner Scrooge refused to attend.  Speaking of his uncle, Fred remarked, “He’s a comical old fellow, that’s the truth: and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offences carry their own punishment, and I have nothing to say against him… I am sorry for him; I couldn’t be angry with him if I tried. Who suffers by his ill whims! Himself, always. Here, he takes it into his head to dislike us, and he won’t come and dine with us. What’s the consequence?”

Some things were beginning to clear up for old Ebenezer.  Like Paul’s blindness falling like scales from his eyes, Scrooge was beginning to see just how poorly he had been seeing.  His attitude and perspective – his vision – was coming into greater clarity.  As has been noted, people don’t see things as they are, people see things as they are.  As Scrooge was seeing his employee and his family, and his nephew and friends with reborn eyes, he was also beginning to see himself for who he was, for who he had chosen to become.  He began to appreciate just how cold-hearted he was as the spirit swept him to places where it would be easy to be hardened – a miner’s settlement and a ship at sea.  In both truly bitter environments the inhabitants there sang their songs of Christmas, of joy, of peace.

The closing scene of this stave brought with it a tragic visual hiding within the spirit’s robe:

They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shriveled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread…

“They are Man’s,” said the Spirit, looking down upon them. “And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!” cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. “Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!”

     “Have they no refuge or resource?” cried Scrooge.

     “Are there no prisons?” said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. “Are there no workhouses?”

Ebenezer was truly humbled.  And that was a good thing.  Dickens was hoping that the humbling would extend beyond his fictitious character to the real-life Scrooges who hid behind their rationalizing why they needn’t lift a finger to help those who suffered.  Some would do it claiming to be Christians all the while.  To those the spirit gave comment:

      “There are some upon this earth of yours who lay claim to know us, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill-will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in our name, who are as strange to us and all our kith and kin, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not us.”

The world Dickens was addressing is reminiscent of the world into which Jesus was born.  While Simeon was beyond joyful that he could die in peace having seen Jesus with his own eyes, he spoke truly prophetic words to Mary – allusions to what lay ahead for this child who would one day wear a rusty, empty scabbard as well: “This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall, and many others to rise. He has been sent as a sign from God, but many will oppose him. As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul” (Luke 2:34-35 | NLT).

Both stories sting.  Dickens’ wonderful novella caricatures a part of us we all try to manage, to keep under wraps, yet sometimes emerges from our respective shadows.  Surely his original audience recoiled a bit at the suggestion that they were part of the problem.  Surely the same happens today when we think of some of the great challenges we face in our current time.  The point of the work was to help people see, to move them, to wake them from the slumber of their comfortable state. To open their eyes with the aid of an engaging tale.

In Victorian England, as in First Century Israel, information was hard to come by.  It was difficult to gain broad perspective on what was happening because so much information was inaccessible.  The lack of information created a feeling of being truly stymied. Today we have a different problem but the same feeling.  Now we have so much information, it’s hard to know what to believe.  And, with our political leaders constantly leveraging their binary rhetoric to their advantage, or even calling into question our ability to know anything for sure, we may feel overwhelmed in our sense of incapacity.  We know so much we don’t know anything.  So we don’t do much of anything. And we feel kinda guilty yet a little justified at the same time because of our overstimulation.

But to do nothing – especially at Christmas – is to ignore Christmas itself.  Except for some nods to rulers for the sake of dating the story, nearly all of the key characters in the birth narratives of Jesus are very, very poor.  The Good News of Jesus’ coming came to an elderly couple (powerless), young woman (powerless), a young man (the news of which was emasculating), and a bunch of lowest-rung-on-the-corporate-ladder smelly late-shift shepherds (POWERLESS!)!  All poor.  The only wealthy people of note?  King Herod, who was threatened to the point of calling for infanticide, and the wealthy Wise Men from the East, who were insightful enough to approach such an impoverished newborn king with great humility and deep generosity.  The shepherds ran to see the scene and tell their part of the story.  The Wise Men traveled for weeks or months to pay homage.  They didn’t sit back and do nothing because they just weren’t sure what to do.  They took the next step.

This stave was crafted to show us ourselves and call us on the carpet.  To not let us off the hook because it’s hard to understand due to a lack of information, too much information, or unreliable information.  And this chapter was offered to push us beyond feeling guilty about the status quo.  It calls us to respond with reflection.  Contemplation followed by action.

This story is about more than a stingy man learning to loosen his purse strings.  A Christmas Carol is about a boy that grew into an older man who, along the way became something much less than anyone’s dream.  He only had financial wealth – and even that he didn’t enjoy.  This story is about the hope of birth, and rebirth.  Through innumerable moments throughout his life Ebenezer chose to be more closed than open, more rigid than flexible, more fearful and angry than hopeful and loving.  His world got smaller and dimmer every year, leaving him literally cold and alone.  He needed the Ghost of Christmas Present to open his eyes to what was there all along.  Bob Cratchit wasn’t simply an employee he had to pay, but a husband and father who loved his family and managed to stay out of debtor’s prison even with the extra care a special needs child demanded.  Even though mistreated by his employer, Bob still raised a glass to Scrooge – a great sign of maturity and grace.  Ebenezer needed to see his nephew, Fred, for more than a fool who spends too much money on a Christmas Feast – funds that could have been invested.  Instead, he found a genuinely warm, mature man who intentionally took time to celebrate life with those he loved, who even committed to loving his uncle every year despite the near-certain rejection.  Ebenezer needed to see black-dust-encrusted coal miners and sailors soaked to the bone from the cold sea waves they fought – all of whom sang songs of Christmas, songs of hope, songs of love breaking into the world.  On that day love prevailed and showed itself for what it is: the very source of Life.  The Source Scrooge had been trying to live apart from the majority of his life.  It had caught up with him.  He didn’t know how much until he saw with new eyes what was always there.

I’ve had this experience along numerous lines throughout my life.  Not really understanding at all the feel of racial prejudice until my friend Adolphus Lacey and I roomed together during a choir tour in Iowa.  Simply put, I was clearly treated with great respect and trust, and he was looked upon and spoken to with fear and a hint of disdain.  He and I were both headed toward becoming pastors.  I can say the same for gender equality, having witnessed incredibly sharp women getting overlooked simply because they were women.  I’ve been given new eyes regarding poverty as I have come to see the issue as deeply complex which cannot be addressed with generalities about laziness and evil “users of the system”.  I have, with the help of a ghost in all of these and the ones to come, been given new eyes with which to see religion itself – so often diminishing its call to loving service and instead opting for rigid moral policing.  Over many years my lenses have been corrected in regards to homosexuality.  There was a brief period of my life – as a pastor – when I thought homosexuality was inherently sinful and needed to be categorized like we might do with alcoholism.  Some people are born predisposed to alcoholism and have to manage it their whole lives – I thought the same regarding sexual orientation.  It was easy to adopt such a view when surrounded by people who believed the same and interpreted biblical verses to validate their views with God’s stamp of approval.  But over time which allowed for deep study of the biblical texts, theological reflection, listening to those who struggled, discernment, and experience, my understanding changed.  My eyes saw things I simply couldn’t see before.  My understanding turned into action.  First simply sharing what I learned.  Then taking a stand.  Then living out my stated beliefs in action as I officiated a same gender wedding ceremony between two CrossWalk members who could not have been better candidates to provide me this first opportunity.  Of course, living out this belief caused serious backlash from my broader faith community which does not see things the same way.  With my action came the loss of a fairly prestigious leadership position with our denomination’s regional entity and the income that accompanied it.  Strained relationships, of course, came as well.  I have no regrets about my decision and am, in fact, proud of it and even grateful for it.  And yet I mourn and grieve even though in the long run it will all turn out for the best.  This is the more regular course for most of who do not get all three ghosts in one night.

The greater truth of Dickens’ classic is that we all are visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future all the time. Some traditions refer to the Spirit of God as the Holy Ghost.  I believe this Spirit is constantly with us, urging us to see through the eyes of God, through the eyes of Love, that we might truly live full and free.  Deeper than a feeling, Love is the undercurrent of creation itself, and was manifested in the birth of a child in the most peculiar circumstance over 2,000 years ago.  Those who can see even a little still sing of it.  Perhaps the continual singing will foster new seeing as well.

What are you going to do to understand the complexities of the serious challenges we face today (and have faced with limited success since the dawn of humanity)?  Poverty.  Income disparity. Immigration. Undocumented immigrants. Racial prejudice. Gender inequality.  LGBTQ discrimination.  The list goes on.  What are you doing to gain a fuller perspective?  What are you doing in response to what you are learning?  How are you being Christmas – being and bringing Good News to our real-life characters who inhabit our world who need to know that the heart of God beats for them as it did when Jesus was born?

A Christmas Carol: Marleyed

What kinds of causes are really easy for you to be generous toward?  Seriously – think about this for a moment.  There are lots of good causes that ask for our financial support – what are the ones that move you to action?

It’s easy for me to give toward Furaha Community Center – the work we support in the slums of Nairobi, Kenya, where mostly orphaned kids attend school and get a couple of meals that truly make a life or death difference.  It’s easy for me to be generous toward victims of disaster – wildfires, tsunamis, tornadoes, floods, hurricanes and the like.  Shelters for domestic violence victims that house women and children (both here and Tijuana) move me to action. And, of course, CrossWalk – a truly unique church that welcomes those who have been outcast from other churches due to their gender, sexual orientation, or incessant questioning of doctrine; a community that seeks to be generous toward Napa and beyond with a wide range of resources including food, legal help, space for recovery (and more).  That’s easy.

What is it that ties all of these together?  It could be a range of things.  They are all good causes.  For each need that I try to support, the management of the funds used is wise – there’s not a lot of administrative waste.  Each project gets results, too, which makes it easier to support.  But I think the bottom line difference is that I see what is before me, clearly, and cannot be idle.  There are, of course, different levels of seeing.  We can casually glance and see problems everywhere as well as problems with how the problems are being addressed, which are sometimes so problematic that it presents a real problem for us to do anything at all!  The kind of seeing I’m talking about is different.  It’s deeper.  It’s seeing with more than my physical eyes.

When people take a trip to see Furaha, they are forced to see.  Extreme poverty on that scale does not exist in the United States.  There is a scent in the air in the slums that says it all.  Once there, it is hard to unsee – only time and distance soften what once was a clear view of the horrors of humanity.  Perhaps because Furaha is not on our soil, and not familiar, and not tied to our own politics and culture and country, we can see things for what they are as less biased observers. 

Similar experiences happen at our own Food Pantry at CrossWalk.  When you walk people through our pop-up grocery store and look into the eyes of the recipient, a lot of assumptions about those who are resourced challenged melts away into a different glimpse:  One of shared humanity.

Seeing – really seeing – is what captures our attention, our hearts, and triggers our instincts to move with compassion.

In Charles Dickens’ Victorian classic, A Christmas Carol, readers are transported into new vistas as they join Ebenezer Scrooge through four sessions of vision correction.  In the first Stave, we get a view of Scrooge.  He is a stingy, mean-tempered older man who treats his poor clerk in ways that are dehumanizing – not caring for his physical needs while also creating a hostile work environment.  His disdain extends even to a family member, his jovial and generous nephew, Fred, who invites him yet again to Christmas dinner (in vain), met with harsh words and criticism.  Finally, we see Scrooge interact with two men making the rounds to collect donations for the poor and destitute in London.  Scrooge responded, “Are there no prisons?  And the Union workhouses – are they still in operation?  The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigor, then? I was afraid… that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course.”  The men, in response to Scrooge’s clear insistence that the taxes he paid were all he was interested in providing, and that the recipients had better use what is already available to them, the charitable hawkers stated a reality of the day – many among the poor would rather die than be subject to the awful conditions provided by “the system”.  “If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population,” Scrooge shot back. “It’s not my business.  It’s enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people’s.  Mine occupies me constantly.  Good afternoon, gentleman!”

Surely Scrooge was not alone.  We know this to be quite true, in fact.  At that time in London, it was especially bad to be poor.  Should you run up your debt and fail to pay your creditors, you might find yourself in debtors prison where you would be forced to live and work (with your wife and kids) until your debt was repaid.  Your job?  The Treadmill – you would become a beast of burden to turn the milling wheel.  Dickens was intimately familiar with “the system”.  His father, a military veteran and father of eight (Charles was the second), found himself and his wife thrown into debtors prison.  At a very young age, Charles was forced to work putting labels on boot-black, at one point on display on a busy street.  Humiliating.  Unsafe.  And – by the way – this was a privatized system.  Part of Dickens’ agenda in writing this tale (among others) was to highlight the plight of the poor to rouse those with power to do something to make a change.  Those who held power were fine enough with the status quo because frankly, they were fine and didn’t have to see the system or their part in it if unless they were intentional about taking a look.  Scrooge was quite intent on not looking.

That very night – Christmas Eve – Scrooge was visited by the ghost of his former business partner, Jacob Marley, who came to inform Scrooge that he would be visited that night by three spirits – all with the purpose of opening Ebenezer’s eyes to reality past, present, and future.  Marley had his own message to share – a warning not to live the life Marley lived, which was the life Scrooge was living.  Such a misused life resulted in deep regret and untold damage to his fellow human beings:

     “Oh! captive, bound, and double-ironed,” cried the phantom, “not to know, that ages of incessant labour by immortal creatures, for this earth must pass into eternity before the good of which it is susceptible is all developed. Not to know that any Christian spirit working kindly in its little sphere, whatever it may be, will find its mortal life too short for its vast means of usefulness. Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused! Yet such was I! Oh! such was I!”

     “But you were always a good man of business, Jacob,” faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself. 

     “Business! cried the Ghost,” wringing its hands again. “Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

     “At this time of the rolling year,” the spectre said, “I suffer most. Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode! Were there no poor homes to which its light would have conducted me!”

A Christmas Carol was written in 1843.  Unfortunately, the plight of the poor has been a human-created reality since we hit the planet.  In the first half of the first century C.E., Jesus lived in Roman-occupied Northern Israel near the Sea of Galilee.  In our time and place, we are familiar with income disparity communicated with the vernacular of the 1%, suggesting that one percent of our population owns and controls the purse strings that impact the remaining 99%.  If we shared such information with Jesus and his contemporaries, they might respond, “Oh, what would it be like to see such an improved state!  In our time, 99.9% of the population is controlled by just one tenth of one percent!”  Similar realities existed in Jesus’ day.  If you were poor and couldn’t pay your debt, you might be enslaved until your debt was paid. Mothers and daughters simply trying to put food on the table might find themselves resorting to prostitution, which carries a much higher price than that at the point of sale.

Jesus offered a parable to help people see themselves and their context more clearly:

     "There once was a rich man, expensively dressed in the latest fashions, wasting his days in conspicuous consumption. A poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, had been dumped on his doorstep. All he lived for was to get a meal from scraps off the rich man's table. His best friends were the dogs who came and licked his sores.
     "Then he died, this poor man, and was taken up by the angels to the lap of Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell and in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham in the distance and Lazarus in his lap. He called out, 'Father Abraham, mercy! Have mercy! Send Lazarus to dip his finger in water to cool my tongue. I'm in agony in this fire.'
     "But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that in your lifetime you got the good things and Lazarus the bad things. It's not like that here. Here he's consoled and you're tormented. Besides, in all these matters there is a huge chasm set between us so that no one can go from us to you even if he wanted to, nor can anyone cross over from you to us.'
     “The rich man said, 'Then let me ask you, Father: Send him to the house of my father where I have five brothers, so he can tell them the score and warn them so they won't end up here in this place of torment.'
     "Abraham answered, 'They have Moses and the Prophets to tell them the score. Let them listen to them.'
     "'I know, Father Abraham,' he said, 'but they're not listening. If someone came back to them from the dead, they would change their ways.'
     "Abraham replied, 'If they won't listen to Moses and the Prophets, they're not going to be convinced by someone who rises from the dead.'" – Luke 16:19-31 (The Message)

Jesus made some bold statements with this parable.  First, the scene was shocking: the state of Lazarus was horrific, and the indifference of the Rich Man was unconscionable. What happened after they died was equally shocking: the one society revered due to his wealth ended up not being impressive at all to God, and the one everyone in life assumed was surely cursed by God was welcomed and honored in death.  A great reversal that surely prodded listeners then and now to wake up and smell the coffee.  The final point is not to focus our attention on our potential afterlife residence, but on what we are doing with our lives now to care for those who have serious needs we can help meet.

According to Gallup Research, the average American will spend more than $800 on Christmas gifts each year, with 30% of us spending more than $1,000, and six percent of us still paying off Christmas debt by next October.  Scrooge seems timely when he says, “What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer… If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!” Apparently, the more things change the more they stay the same. Scrooge could easily say the same of us today. And yet we know from Dickens’ story and Jesus’ parable that while overspending on ourselves is not good, not being generous to those in need around us is also bad.  We need to see things more clearly.  We need perspective.

Ebenezer didn’t just wake up one day and decide to be Scrooge.  He became the epitome of what his name has come to represent.  His response to the circumstances of his life slowly and surely shaped the lens through which he ended up seeing the world.  The visits of Marley and the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future all came to redeem Ebenezer’s vision of himself and the reality of the world in which he lived.  His hardened heart affected the way he saw everything.  The eventual Christmas morning which presents us with a born-again Scrooge required new ways of seeing his past, insight into his present day, and a vision for what his future could look like.

We see the world in large part because of how our eyes have been shaped by our responses to our experiences up to now.  We all have biases that move our hearts in certain directions more than others and also keep our hands and feet and wallets from helping more than we do.  This series has as its goal the redemption of our vision, the healing of our eyes, so that we might see more clearly the world in which we live and the people with whom we share the same breath.  That we will find redemption and healing of past wounds and present biases. That we will recognize our potential going forward to perpetuate great harm or propel humanity toward greater good.  The greatest hope is that we would all wake up renewed, refreshed, and reborn on Christmas Day to live fully and well not just for our own benefit and pleasure, but with generosity toward those who need help all around us.

We are generous toward certain causes because we have truly seen them.  When we truly see, we can genuinely care.  When we genuinely care, we are naturally generous.  Scrooge needed renewed eyes.  So do we.

Me Free 12: What Comes Around Must Go Around

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. – Step 12

"Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I've prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start." – Jesus, Luke 22:31-32 (The Message)

I am well named.  Technically, I was named after my grandfather, Pieter Smit.  I do carry some of his resemblance both in appearance and in passion.  But I think I’m more like the disciple Peter.  Unfortunately.   I think this is true because my journey has been one of ongoing sifting, learning the hard way – from failure, from putting my foot in my mouth, from hitting the wall time and time again, for getting in my own way.  This list goes on.  I wonder, is your name Peter, too?

Jesus changed Simon’s name early on to Peter.  Isn’t it interesting that in this scene, Jesus refers to his given name?  It’s a nod, I think, an allusion to the fact that what Peter is going to be going through will be akin to starting all over again, choosing to follow Jesus all over again.  What an incredible principle Luke gave us here.  The journey begins anew.  Jesus even brings Satan into the equation, essentially saying that the disciples will be experiencing some serious temptation – which they did.  Don’t get stuck on the Satan figure here – when we get overly caught up in this personification we can lose sight of the bigger picture of evil in our world.  We can be blindly giving in to some horrible ways of life and belief while we’re looking for the dude with the horns, tail, and pitchfork.  Evil lurks in systems all over the world in plain sight – how are you doing in the face of those temptations?  Power, Fame, Success, Prestige, Wealth – all of these temptations loom for us.

The bright side here is that Jesus said he prayed for his disciples that their faith wouldn’t fail them.  This tells us that we can have confidence in this faith thing not to give way.

Jesus finishes this little episode by instructing Peter to look to his companions and encourage them, giving them a fresh start.

In brief, Peter could expect a new cycle of learning to be a Jesus follower which would be challenging in a sifting kind of way yet would not be the end of him.  Once the struggle passes, he is told to help his brothers in their similar struggle.

Start over, and help others in their journey as you cross paths.

This is a tough pill to swallow, I think.  We’re also not wired to think this way.  Our culture is upward-oriented thinking.  To go backwards is a sign of failure.  Nobody wants to be demoted.  Sometimes people would rather move to a lousy new location and maintain their status than to weather the storm on their pride that a demotion might bring.  What do you think about this?  How do you feel about the notion of perpetually working the Twelve Steps throughout your life?  I bet some people are thinking “hamster wheel” – lots of effort to get to the exact same place you’re running from.  Who wants that?

Perhaps our perspective needs to change on this?  Parts of our lives may reel against anything but moving upward, but our natural lives actually have this built in whether we like it or not.  Aging is a thing, apparently.  Our bodies really do change with time.  When they change, we are forced to think in new ways – a form of starting over.  Relationships change.  The way we relate to our kids changes.  The way we relate to our spouse changes from the first few years to the later years.  It’s not necessarily better or worse, just different.  New.  Starting over.  This is just the normal reality of life.  Perhaps the sooner we get our brains around that, the more we can enjoy the ride, and the more helpful we will be with those we run into who need what we have.

As it turns out, part of our success working this spiritual transformation process is dependent on helping others wherever we can.  Do you know who learns the most in any given classroom?  Not the star pupil.  Not the least interested.  The teacher.  The teacher is the one who has to learn the material well enough to pass it on, and the teacher is the one who experiences the greatest depth of learning as they share it with someone else.  Our personal and spiritual health is dependent on our giving away what we know.

Have you ever met a spiritually constipated Christian?  They are no fun to be around, let me tell you.  I met one of these miserable persons a number of years ago.  He really wanted my help.  He felt dead spiritually.  He couldn’t understand why.  He was constantly reading the Bible, listening to Christian radio for music and 24/7 preaching.  He only watched wholesome TV shows.  And yet he felt so distant from God.  After thinking about it awhile, I let him know what I thought.  He was constipated (spiritually).  Lots coming in.  Nothing going out.  The thing he needed most was to practice all the stuff he knew was good, as the need arose right in front of his face.  But he couldn’t imagine such a thing – all the people around him were stupid jerks and fools, he said.  Hmmm.  Another sure sign of constipation.  You know I’m a doctor, right?  Nevermind what type, just roll with me here…  If you suffer from a stagnant faith, if you feel like you’re surrounded by a bunch of no-good heathens, and if you are able to identify a hundred things wrong with everyone around you from a hundred yards away, I’ve got troubling news for you.  You are likely spiritually constipated.  Your faith isn’t doing much for you, and it certainly isn’t doing much for anybody else.

A vital spiritual life requires our doing what we know to do.  Jesus noted this in one of his parables that he used to close his greatest sermon:

     "These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit [and wildfires and cancer diagnoses and mass shootings and divorce and pink slips and market crashes and drunk driving and…]—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.
"But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards." – Jesus, Matthew 7:24-27 (The Message)

Jesus’ brother, James (or his disciples), thought the same when he wrote:

     But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. – James 1:22-25

The Apostle Paul lived this reality of starting over and over and over and helping others in their journey.  He saw the real beauty in it:

     All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. – Paul, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

If you want to be successful in the program, start over, and over, and over.  By the time you are done you will be a different person with new challenges to mature through.  The fantastic news is that as you move through the steps, you will meet people who need what you know.  The more you give love away, the more you have.  You can’t lose.  As a CrossWalker recently shared a way to think about this that is more attractive to our Western sensibilities.  Starting the 12 steps over isn’t regression, she said. Completing the Twelve Steps is the first rung on a ladder.  The next Twelve Steps workout is the next run up.  I like that a lot – definitely works with my Enneagram #3 way of thinking.  Going through the steps again and again is an intentional act to become more mature, more self-aware, and more God-aware as well.  That’s all good.

Especially since we’re in Thanksgiving week, I encourage you to take time to reflect on how God (or your faith) has helped you in specific ways recently and also in your past.  Simply slowing down to think about these things will do some amazing things in your life.  First, you will realize that God has indeed been at work in your life, which is amazing.  This will build you into a more grateful and gracious person.  It will also keep the incredible power of God to change lives at the front of your mind, so that when the Spirit’s wind blows you and another into the same air space, you just might have opportunity to be just what they need at just the right time.  When that happens, it’s magic.  It’s God.  It’s vitality.  Constipation alleviated.  The frown gets turned upside down. 

May you dare to recognize where you’ve grown and give thanks to God for being with you.  May you hear the invitation to start over for even deeper life and love.  May you be open to serve knowing your experience may be just what someone needs.  May you give thanks again when you get to make a difference along the way.

 

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.  Also, look through 12Step.org for tons of helpful resources from the recovery community.

Me Free 11: An Alternative Mind

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out. – Step 11

“Be still, and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

“You must put aside your old self which has been corrupted by following illusory desires. Your mind must be renewed by a spiritual revolution.” – Ephesians 4:22-23

In the morning, long before dawn, he got up, left the house, and went off to a lonely place to pray.

 Jesus used parables to teach great, deep principles about life and the Kingdom of God – the way things work in God’s economy.  It drove (and still drives) some people nuts.  Here’s one that stumped his disciples:

At about that same time Jesus left the house and sat on the beach. In no time at all a crowd gathered along the shoreline, forcing him to get into a boat. Using the boat as a pulpit, he addressed his congregation, telling stories.
     "What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled by the weeds. Some fell on good earth, and produced a harvest beyond his wildest dreams.
     "Are you listening to this? Really listening?”

The disciples came up and asked, "Why do you tell stories?"
     He replied, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom. You know how it works. Not everybody has this gift, this insight; it hasn't been given to them. Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely. But if there is no readiness, any trace of receptivity soon disappears. That's why I tell stories: to create readiness, to nudge the people toward receptive insight. In their present state they can stare till doomsday and not see it, listen till they're blue in the face and not get it. I don't want Isaiah's forecast repeated all over again:
     Your ears are open but you don't hear a thing.
     Your eyes are awake but you don't see a thing.
     The people are blockheads!
     They stick their fingers in their ears
          so they won't have to listen;
     They screw their eyes shut
          so they won't have to look,
               so they won't have to deal with me face-to-face
                    and let me heal them.
     "But you have God-blessed eyes—eyes that see! And God-blessed ears—ears that hear! A lot of people, prophets and humble believers among them, would have given anything to see what you are seeing, to hear what you are hearing, but never had the chance.

     "Study this story of the farmer planting seed. When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn't take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person's heart. This is the seed the farmer scatters on the road.
     "The seed cast in the gravel—this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.
     "The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard, and nothing comes of it.
     "The seed cast on good earth is the person who hears and takes in the News, and then produces a harvest beyond his wildest dreams." – Matthew 13:1-23 (The Message)

This passage relates to Step 11 very well in my mind, and raises three questions:

What soil describes what you started with?

What soil describes what you’re working with now?

What soil do you want going forward?

 

Vigorous soil.  About a month ago I arranged for a colleague of mine to visit Monticello Winery and get a tour from CrossWalk’s own Stephen Corley.  Even though I have been there many times, I still enjoy the tour because I learn something new each time.  My friend and his family really enjoy gardening, so they were very interested in the ins and outs of growing the vines.  Stephen dropped a word that my friend and I had not associated with gardening before: vigor.  Stephen was explaining that his brother, Kevin, who leads up the growing side of the business, tests the soil for vigor, to see if the soil has enough vigor, or energy, to allow the vine to grow and produce good fruit.  If the soil isn’t good, it’s a waste of time and money to plant.  So, assuming you want a good life that grows though all of your seasons and produces fruit for yourself and others, let’s talk about what it actually takes to reinvigorate your soil.

Steps for Reinvigorating Soil

1.       Pull any dead or dying plants from the previous season. Remove all weeds and garden debris, including fallen leaves and branches.

2.       Squeeze a handful of the soil into a tight ball to verify the soil is ready to work. Flick the ball with your fingers. If it falls apart, the soil is dry enough to work. If the ball retains its shape or only develops a slight dent, the soil is too wet and must dry for an additional time before you can revitalize it.

3.       Turn the top 6 to 8 inches of soil with a spade or hoe. Break up any large clods as you loosen the soil. Remove any old roots. Alternatively, use a power tiller to turn and loosen the soil in a large garden bed.

4.       Spread 2 to 3 inches of organic matter over the soil, using compost, aged manure or leaf mold. Turn the organic matter into the top 6 to 8 inches of soil with the spade, incorporating it completely. Work in 1 inch of organic matter for each 3 inches of soil depth you are working, so if you loosen and work the soil to a 6-inch depth, apply at least 2 inches of compost.

5.       Sprinkle 1 1/2 pounds of 5-10-10 fertilizer over every 50 square feet of soil. Turn the fertilizer into the top 6 inches of soil so plant roots can easily absorb the nutrients after you replant. Alternatively, apply a suitable fertilizer at the correct rate for the specific plants you grow.

Things You Will Need

·       Spade or hoe

·       Power tiller (optional)

·       Compost, manure or leaf mold

·       5-10-10 granular fertilizer

Tips

Cover the bed with plastic sheeting or 2 inches of mulch if you aren't replanting right away so weeds don't invade the fertile but empty bed.

Although an existing bed doesn't require a soil test before replanting, performing a test can verify soil pH and fertility. Perform the test at least four weeks before planting and follow the test recommendations when choosing fertilizer and amendments.

You’re welcome.

Soils and Seeing.  Maintaining vigor in our soil requires intentional effort.  While our innermost being, our True Selves long for all that God has for us, our culture does not lend itself to the necessary work required to keep our soil healthy.  This makes the shift to soil maintenance not just work, but hard work, because culture is pervasive, shaping our eyes and hearts in ways we don’t recognize until we take measures that help us recognize it.  As many have noted, people don’t see things as they are, they see things as they are.  Because our prayers are shaped by what we are seeing, and what we are seeing says more about us than anything else, our prayers may at times be off base.  Rohr notes:

     At early-stage praying, there has usually been no real “renouncing” of the small and passing self (Mark 8:34), so it is not yet the infinite prayer of the Great Body of Christ, but the very finite prayer of a small “body” that is trying to win, succeed, and take control—with a little help from a Friend. God cannot directly answer such prayers, because frankly, they are usually for the wrong thing and from the wrong self, although we do not know that yet… People’s willingness to find God in their own struggle with life—and let it change them—is their deepest and truest obedience to God’s eternal will. We must admit this is what all of us do anyway, as “God comes to us disguised as our life”! Remember, always remember, that the heartfelt desire to do the will of God is, in fact, the truest will of God. At that point, God has won, and the ego has lost, and your prayer has already been answered. – Breathing Under Water, 79

This is the heart of Step 11, isn’t it?  This step isn’t interested in grocery list prayers – though not all things on the list are bad – they are often very good – but we remember that there is something that must come first in our prayerful pursuit – the heart and will of God.  The goal of prayer in its depth is to match our steps with God’s, to find ourselves walking to the beat of God’s drum, to discover ourselves continually immersed in God’s loving presence and the power it brings.  With this deeper goal in mind, we are invited to a deeper form of prayer and thus transformation. 

Understanding our Enneagram type can be instrumental in guiding us in our pursuit of creating healthy soil.  Christopher Heuertz, in his book, The Sacred Enneagram, notes, “A contemplative approach to the Enneagram invites us to resist the reductionism of inner fragmentation; to realize we aren’t as bad as our worst moments or as good as our greatest successes—but that we are far better than we can imagine and carry the potential to be far worse than we fear” (137).  A deep prayer life, then, helps us see both our greatest potential and threats – both related to our particular type.  This prayerful process is just that, a process, as Heuertz explains:

     “The pilgrimage home to God involves three phases: a construction phase of identity, followed by an earth-shattering deconstruction of who we thought we were, which finally brings us to the necessary reconstruction of something truer… Fundamentally what we are doing here is excavating our essence, our True Self, from the lies, programs, and temptations we’ve wrapped around our identity. We do this by practicing presence, by showing up with our whole self to the God who lovingly seeks to shape and restore us. Being truly present requires establishing a particular prayer posture in contemplative practice” (143).

As you may recall, there are three major centers referenced in the Enneagram: Instinctual, Heart, and Mind.  In terms of approaching contemplative prayer, each center has its own goal and need.  Those types within the Heart center (twos, threes, and fours) need to appreciate solitude, since their seeing is so often related to others.  Those within the Mind center (fives, sixes, and sevens) need to focus on silence, as they tend to constantly think their way through everything – the churning needs to be quieted.  Those in the Instinctual center (eights, nines, and ones) need to focus on stillness, since these types are constantly working to advance their cause.  Even more specifically, each type needs to approach their center-specific emphasis with a particular mindset related to their respective triad in the enneagram.  Twos, Fives, and Eights need to consent – a way of intentionally agreeing to look at acknowledge and address their particular need.  Threes, Sixes, and Nines need to engage their particular mindset as an intentional act of being present.  Ones, Fours, and Sevens need to rest in their mode of prayer as an intentional act of suspending their crusade in order to take stock.  Obviously I cannot do justice to this complexity here, but merely want to open your eyes to the reality that there is much to discover about how your type needs to inform your prayer life, your soil management, your fulfilling Step 11.

In terms of specific forms of prayer, Heuertz offers several suggestions, all of which have served countless people for centuries.  These enduring traditions of prayer include the following: Centering Prayer, The Examen, and Welcoming Prayer. Each of these can be discovered in a variety of resources, and each is nuanced in a particular way.  Working with each of these may be helpful in different seasons of life, too.  I offer a reference to these forms of prayer as an encouragement to firstly recognize that there are different forms of prayer than what you may have known.  Realize a hallmark of each of these – they all require being alone, quiet, and still.  If you are serious about deepening your relationship with God, with soil management, and with Step 11, you will not get there without engaging, consenting, or resting in some form of contemplative prayer.  Our culture does not support or encourage such a waste of time, which means you will feel a constant pressure to dismiss it.  But we’re talking about your life, here.  Perhaps its time to take the time…

 

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.  Also, look through 12Step.org for tons of helpful resources from the recovery community.

Me Free 10: Is This Overkill?

Note: We encountered technical difficulties today - no audio or video - sorry!

We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

The gist of this step is to remain mindful of our attitudes and behaviors in order to stay sober, conscious, and thus more able to live into our True Selves.

Just after Jesus was baptized, The Gospel of Matthew writes that he went on a camping trip to 40 days in the wilderness.  The writer of the Gospel was not giving us a mere biographical account.  Much more than that, each Gospel attempts to paint a deeper, richer picture of the Jesus each Gospel wants to portray.  It’s not just a story about a person, but also God, the world, humanity, cosmology, eschatology – and how everything works together.  Recalling that each Gospel drew from a variety of sources, and that writers of that time did not feel pressured to conform to our love of literalism, they used all the tools in their toolbox to communicate what they wanted about Jesus. 

The temptation story of Jesus is an example of such literary freedom.  Whether or not Jesus literally experienced such a weird encounter with the personification of evil called Satan, the account remains true…

Next Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights. That left him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger, which the Devil took advantage of in the first test: "Since you are God's Son, speak the word that will turn these stones into loaves of bread."

Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: "It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God's mouth."

For the second test the Devil took him to the Holy City. He sat him on top of the Temple and said, "Since you are God's Son, jump." The Devil goaded him by quoting Psalm 91: "He has placed you in the care of angels. They will catch you so that you won't so much as stub your toe on a stone."

Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: "Don't you dare test the Lord your God."

For the third test, the Devil took him on the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth's kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, "They're yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they're yours."

Jesus' refusal was curt: "Beat it, Satan!" He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: "Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness."

The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus' needs. – Matthew 4:1-11 (The Message)

There are some pretty cool things being communicated here – we’ll beyond the literal account.  The first thing worth pointing out is the word “since”.  The prosecuting attorney, Satan, is not querying into whether or not Jesus is the Son of God.  Most translations use the word “if”, but the better, more accurate translation is “since” as Eugene Peterson’s Message translation notes. Jesus’ identity as the anointed one is assumed.  The three temptations are given to help us understand some important ethical issues all related to identity.  Since the identity has to do with being “Son of God”, then the greater focus of this account really is Godself.  Let’s see what we see.

Turn Stones into Bread.  There were some Jews who believed that the coming messiah would bring with him an abundance of food to address widespread hunger.  Thus the temptation is to create more than one loaf, but loaves of bread.  We know Jesus refuses here.  But if you’ve seen the movie (spoiler alert), you know that later in Jesus’ ministry he actually does feed the multitude in miraculous fashion.  Did Jesus cave at that point?  What’s the big deal, anyway?  There’s certainly nothing wrong with feeding hungry people.  In fact, that’s a very good, CrossWalk thing to do, right?  Right!  It is good.  But at the beginning of Jesus’ ministry we are learning about what is most central to the anointing of God, and therefore, what is most central to God.  The capacity to provide endless food for people would bring tremendous political power.  Politics was not going to be the means by which God was going to usher in an alternative kingdom.  That’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?  Do you remember when Jesus fed the thousands?  He did it almost as an afterthought after he taught all day about what it means to live in the kingdom of God as a child of God.  Feeding is good, but it is secondary to keeping first things first: we feed and take our cue from God.

Base-Jumping the Temple.  Round two has Jesus being tempted to test God’s loyalty to him by taking a very theatrical risk.  A circus act, if you will, to showcase how much God cares for God’s anointed.  Once again, another spoiler…  Immediately after these temptations occur, angels do come and tend to Jesus.  And, on a number of occasions, Jesus Does give into some pretty theatrical displays proving God is truly with him.  So, what’s this about?  Once again, the issue is about what is core, what is the motive involved.  Is Jesus going to gain the allegiance through displays of power for the sake of power which lead to more displays of power, or is power not the means or the end?  Sorry to do this twice in one teaching, but, another spoiler: Jesus embraced powerlessness as the center of power.  Displays of power for its own sake was never the tone of what Jesus was about.

Pledging Allegiance.  The final temptation invites Jesus to view the whole world from a mountain top (just like Moses, which was undoubtedly noted) with the offer of gaining it all simply by bowing the knee to Satan.  Here is what is at play:

“The temptation is for Jesus to rule the kingdoms of the world—i.e., to assume the role presently played by the Roman emperor, and to do it by capitulating to the devil’s kingship. The devil’s command challenges Jesus to accept the status quo of the rebellious state of the world, to acknowledge that selfishness and practical atheism prevail, and to fit in with it.” – New Interpreter’s Bible Commentary

In other words, we are learning that God is not interested in changing the world through the means of a system that is corrupt from the word go, but through the offering of an entirely different option that can be embraced regardless of who or what political figure or system is in power.  Side note: I wonder if there is something to hear here given our current political realities, where, according to George Hunter in his book, To Change the World, conservative and progressive Christian organizations have become the useful idiots of the Republican and Democratic parties respectively, who really don’t resonate or care much about the faith tradition which is at the end of the day the same.  In fact, politics cannot be so devoted to the Way of Christ so long as being a true servant of all remains Christianity’s primary mission. 

Each temptation story gives us stuff to think about regarding God’s character, nature, and mission in the world.  Each temptation is an opportunity for Jesus to decide who he is and who he wants to remain.  He decision, again and again, is to remain first and foremost the son-child of God that he is.  The point of Step 10 is to remind us that we were given the same question: who are we and who do we desire to become?

Richard Rohr notes that there are times when we do not live out of this True Self Way of Christ:

“Whenever you do anything stupid, cruel, evil, or destructive to yourself or others, you are at that moment unconscious, and unconscious of your identity. If you were fully conscious, you would never do it. Loving people are always highly conscious people. To rely on any drug or substance [or alternative identity or personal happiness program] is to become unconscious.” 

The goal for us in this step is to live in conscious awareness.  Rohr continues, “Consciousness is not the seeing but that which sees me seeing. It is not the knower but that which knows that I am knowing. It is not the observer but that which underlies and observes me observing.” I believe Jesus mastered this kind of centered living.  He was a human being anointed by God, but had to choose to live into that anointing.  He chose to live aware, awake, consciously as a son of God.

How do we cultivate this step into our lives?  Rohr suggests the following: “Don’t judge, just look can be your motto – and now with the very eyes of God. That will awaken consciousness, and then things will usually take care of themselves, with even the least bit of honesty and change.”  When we fully embrace the reality that we are truly children of God – “since!” – we can enter the process with confidence that God will welcome us as we do, even helping us: “‘The Spirit will help you in your weakness’ (Roman’s 8:26). From this most positive and dignified position you can let go of, and easily ‘admit your wrongs.’ You’re being held so strongly and so deeply that you can stop holding onto, or defending, yourself. God forever sees and loves Christ in you; it is only we who doubt our divine identity as children of God.”

You have choices before you.  First, to believe the really Good News of Jesus that you are a child of God.  Deeply, unconditionally loved.  Second, to discover the Way of Christ which is within you, longing to be given the freedom to guide your life. Third, to become increasingly self-aware so that you can recognize when you’ve chosen the lesser way that doesn’t deliver the life God has empowered you to have.  Fourth, to truly strive to live out of and lean into your True Self, animated by the Christ within you shining through the incredibly beautiful kaleidoscope you uniquely are.  Integrating a daily practice such as The Daily Examen (below) helps us make Step 10 a normal part of our daily walk.

St. Ignatius of Loyola: The Daily Examen

1.       Prayer for enlightenment: “Help me to see and hear you more clearly, that I may respond more fully to your love and follow you more closely through the claims of your call upon my life. Help me to be aware of those times when I have been blind and deaf to your presence and to your gifts of love. Amen.”

2.       Reflective thanksgiving: “Thank you for all the ways you make yourself present to me – through nature, persons, events, situations. Thank you for accepting my love for you. O God, how great you are! Amen.”

3.       Personal examination of actions: “I really do love you, my Lord, in spite of the ways I have missed your presence and have not responded to your love and actions in my life. Help me in these moments to be conscious of the ways that I may become sensitive to your desires in all my ways. Amen.”

4.       Contrition and sorrow: “I’m sorry, God, for failing to respond to your love and for my failures. But I rejoice in your generosity and gladly receive your many gifts – and heartily eat at your table with joy and celebration. I’m not worthy of the many gifts you give me, through your constant love. Amen.”

5.       Hopeful resolution for the future: “Be with me, Lord, ever helping me to respond more authentically to your love. By your help I will see you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly, day by day, and serve you from this moment on. Amen.”

 

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.  Also, look through 12Step.org for tons of helpful resources from the recovery community.

Me Free 9: Skillful Means

We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. – Step 9

Have you ever taken a trip and realized that you forgot something?  I know I have.  I’ve driven out of our neighborhood on the way to the store and quickly realized I forgot my wallet.  Time for a U-turn…  Years ago I made it to church on Sunday morning and realized I forgot my bathing suit, which mattered because I was going to baptize people that morning. So, I had to perform my priestly role in my birthday suit.  I always wondered why I never saw those people after that special day – I wonder if something scared them off? Just kidding!  Luckily, Lynne and the kids had not left yet, otherwise the teaching may have been a little skimpy (or perhaps much better – who knows?).  In the 1970’s my parents drove home from church one Sunday.  When they arrived, they realized they had left something at church – one of their four children – me!  They quickly realized it, thankfully, and came back to get me the next Tuesday after my dad finished his work.  That was content for therapy session 601…

What have you forgotten?  What did you do?  I imagine if you forgot your sunglasses and were down the road more than 15 minutes, you wouldn’t turn back.  What about if you forgot your wallet?  I bet you’d drive back an hour.  Passport? You would do whatever it takes, otherwise the trip would be lost.  In every case, the trip would be diminished to varying degrees if you didn’t bring what you needed.  Especially if it’s a trip we’ve been looking forward to – like a vacation – forgetting something could ruin a trip for ourselves or those with us on the journey.

Life is a trip.  We are not on the journey alone.  We are surrounded by people – some very close, some a world away – all on the trip together.  When we forget something on this trip, it impacts not only ourselves, but a range of others.  Sometimes our forgetfulness significantly reduces the enjoyment of other people’s trip.  Step 8 helps us come to grips with how we have messed with other people’s trip, and Step 9 calls for making direct, thoughtful, wise amends to those whose trip we’ve tainted unless doing so would bring them or others harm.  Bernard Robeson has some great practical advice on Step 9 – take a moment and watch it.

Bernard Robeson was obviously talking about Step 9 from the perspective of substance abuse like alcohol or drugs.  We have recognized in this series, however, that we are all addicted to our own way of thinking that we have crafted over the course of our lives to get through life.  The Enneagram suggests that our plan is directly tied to our type, which is directly connected to what is referred to as our Childhood Wound – something that got in the way of our deepest longings, needs, and living out from our True Self.  Depending on how developed we are regarding our True Self, to varying degrees we mess up other people’s trips pretty regularly.  All part of the human experience! 

Jesus spoke into this phenomenon as part of a bigger talk about living from a spiritually-centered life:

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” – Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)

One biblical scholar noted that the type of sacrifice offered here was not an obligatory one, but rather an offering of praise or thanks.  It’s not to be taken literally, which would not have been logistically possible.  Rather, Jesus is saying that if we’re in a good place in life and want to say as much to God, thanking God for the help, yet knowingly are a source of pain to someone else, we need to take care of it.  Why?  Because God loves them.  Why? Because they are our neighbor.  Why?  Because the most important spiritual truths were are called to live by is to love God wholeheartedly and love our neighbors as ourselves.  To not care about the person we’ve hurt is essentially an offense to God.  If you hurt one of my kids but want to give me a gift of appreciation, I don’t want your gift.  To take your gift would in some way be to dismiss what you’ve done to my kids.  You messed with their trip while you’ve been enjoying yours.  We’re not okay at that point. Our relationship is strained.  Clean up the mess you’ve made and then we’ll have a chance at relationship again. We may not realize that we have a block in our relationship with God because we’ve hurt one of God’s kids and have left a mess.  It’s not that God won’t forgive – that’s already happened. But you will fail to know God and grace along deeper lines if you fail to take this step seriously.

Bernard Robeson offered a lot of wise counsel regarding some ground rules on making amends.  If we are not careful, thoughtful and wise with this step, there is a great chance that we will blow it. Especially if we go into it without having done the hard work of empathizing with the person we have harmed we will likely minimize the pain we have caused and be generally dismissive of the other person’s feelings.  As Richard Rohr notes:

“One often needs time, discernment, and good advice from others before one knows the when, how, who, and where to apologize or make amends.  If not done skillfully, an apology can actually make the problem and the hurt worse, and the Twelve Steps were experienced enough to know that. Not everything needs to be told to everybody, all the time, and in full detail. Sometimes it only increases the hurt, the problem, and the person’s inability to forgive. This all takes wise discernment and often sought-out advice from others” (Breathing Under Water, 67).

I asked my Wednesday morning Praxis group about Step 8 and 9.  Linda Murphy had some great advice about this.  She essentially said that if we do our part of the hard work necessary to prepare for Step 9 (which is related to Step 4’s conducting a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and Step 8’s making a list of all those we have harmed), then we are ready for the next step of actually making amends to happen more naturally and organically.  So, in light of Linda’s sage advice, please make the list, please process what you did deeply, please seek wise counsel, all as precursor to the big step of actually apologizing and making amends.

Apologizing doesn’t come naturally for most people.  Our lizard brain defense mechanism fights it, our “blame the other party” politicians don’t ever own their share of the blame, and our propensity to think more highly of ourselves than we ought rules the day.  But the more we apologize, the easier it becomes.  The more we apologize, the more humble we stay.  So, for God’s sake, for the sake of others, for Pete’s sake, and for the sake of your own personal development and maturity, swallow your pride and take the appropriate step.  As was the case for Jacob seeking reconciliation with Esau, and for Jesus’ true-yet-fictional younger Prodigal Son, what you do on this note impacts more than you – it serves to shape the community around you.  What are you modeling for the world around you to see?

Step 9 Questions…

What amends have you already made? These can include apology ies already made, helpful tasks for those that you have hurt and changed attitudes or behaviors, among other things.
 

From your List of People in step 8, fill in the table on the List of Amends page. One way to do this is to fill in the names one by one in the List of Amends table as you make amends to a given person. In that way, you can record the date, what happened and so forth and then learn from that when you move on to the next amends. You might begin with those amends that are easiest and move on to the more difficult ones as you gain experience and wisdom about this step.
 

Write out any planned apologies or other planned amends in the table on the Planned Amends page.
 

Read your apologies or planned amends to a friend or sponsor and ask them if it sounds sincere or if it sounds defensive or like an attack on the other person. Record in the table on the Planned Amends page their response.
 

Role play with your sponsor or friends concerning anything you plan to say when making amends. Record on the Planned Amends page the results of this role-playing.
 

Do you feel angry or resentful towards any people on your amends list? If so, you can write them a letter of anger, but don't send it to them. You can also list in your letter ways in which you have hurt them. Describe here any other ways that you have used to get rid of anger and resentment towards anyone on your list.
 

What consequences do you fear in making amends? What is the worst thing that can happen? What is the best thing that can happen? What is likely to happen? You can record these expectations in the table in the Planned Amends page.
 

What is your experience with the first time of making amends? You can record it in the table on the List of Amends page. How did the other person respond? What have you learned from this? What would you do differently next time?
 

After making several amends, what is your overall impression? Is there anything in common? Is there anything that surprised you? Has anything disappointed you? How do you feel about the process and how has it affected you as a person?
 

What amends to you have the most difficulty making? What do you need to do to be able to make these amends?
 

How has making amends affected your relationship with others?
 

How are you dealing with the feedback from others after making amends? How are you feeling? How are you dealing with the desire to defend yourself and/or accuse the other person of what they have done wrong?
 

If you have found other people to whom you need to make amends, record this in the table in the List of People page for step 8 and then add it to the table in the List of Amends page for this step 9 and continue from there.
 

Have you had any dreams about making amends? If so, describe them in detail.
 

Describe any celebrations or activities that you plan or have done to honor the completion of your making amends (or for at least the initial stages of making amends, for often making amends can take many years or up to a lifetime).

 

 

 

 

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.  Also, look through 12Step.org for tons of helpful resources from the recovery community.

Me Free 8: Payback Time*

We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. – Step 8

In early October, Lynne and I spent a couple of days at Yosemite National Park.  It’s one of our favorite spots. It’s one of your favorite spots, too, but if you haven’t visited you don’t know it yet.  On our way out of the park on our last day, we pulled to the side of the road to take in a closer view of El Capitan, the 3,000-foot-high granite monolith.  Two Empire State Buildings stacked on top of one another would not reach the top.  Three and a half TransAmerica buildings wouldn’t reach the top, either.  From the ground, it appears to be a completely sheer, vertical wall of rock.  Standing beneath it is like standing in front of the ocean – you suddenly feel very, very small.  We gazed with others in awe.  Initially we didn’t see any climbers, which I thought odd for a Saturday.  We grabbed binoculars and still didn’t see anyone.  With time, however, we were able to see a flash of color against the granite.  Once we saw one, our eyes were able to see others.  We quickly were able to spot 20 or so climbers from our vantage point.  During peak season, as many as 80 will be climbing the face of El Cap.  That experience came flooding back as I began thinking about this step because I think our capacity to recognize harm we have caused others does not come into focus readily.  Rather, it takes time and intention to adjust our gaze in order to see what has been there all along.

Step 8 is not easy because we are not naturally wired to see ourselves accurately.  Over the course of my ministry I have known parents and spouses of alcoholics and drug addicts who lament over the pain they have endured from their loved one.  Heart-wrenching stuff.  I have also had the opportunity to know the offending kids and spouses, too, and was somewhat surprised to discover that they truly had no idea how much pain and suffering their addiction was causing the people who loved them.  One person many years ago told me with great sobriety, “When you’re stuck in the throes of addiction the only person you are thinking about is yourself – you are oblivious to others except whether or not they are in the way of your getting your next fix.”  Step 8 is another opportunity to hit the pause button and do some serious reflection on a painful proposition: list all the ways you knowingly harmed another.  Making amends is Step 9 – all we are asked to do at this point is to become aware.

Since we are all addicted to our own programs for happiness that lead us to hurting others in one way or another, this step is truly for everyone.  It’s interesting that we’re all pretty capable of creating an impressive list of how others have hurt us, yet may come up near empty when we try to identify the ways we’ve hurt others.  To help us along, lets learn from this recovery community video on how to think about this.

Step 8 requires a strong degree of self-awareness, doesn’t it?  Lucky for me, I am pretty self-aware.  My Bachelor’s degree was in Psychology because I wanted to understand myself and humanity as a whole better.  In early adulthood I read lots of introspection-oriented books from both sacred and secular sources.  To become a pastor you have to go through a series of courses that not only teach you about the way we humans work, but are at the same time challenged to work on ourselves as well.  Furthermore, my role has me working with people every week from teaching to leading groups to counseling and more.  All practice on understanding others and inadvertently, myself.  So, I think we can all agree that I must surely be pretty self-aware, yes?  Well, actually, for me to say that I am pretty self-aware is likely the greatest guarantee that I am not.  Research shows, for instance, that those who believe themselves to be evolved to the point of being unbiased toward people different from themselves are most likely to actually be biased (because they’re convinced they simply are not, so why worry about it?).  My hunch is that we all feel pretty evolved. And yet we must wonder if we truly are.

The religious leaders in Jesus’ day were among the most learned of their time.  And yet they were apparently blind to the way they were mishandling their faith and responsibilities. So much so that Jesus was remembered as locking horns with them on multiple occasions.  Once they quizzed Jesus on whether or not he knew what was the most important law in the Jewish tradition (out of the 613).  Jesus’ response? “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31 | NLT).  The religious leaders let Jesus know that he had answered correctly.  In other words, they knew the answer – they weren’t on a learning quest.  They knew the answer!  Why, then, did they not live up to it? Why were they known for being harsh and judgmental toward the people they were called to serve?  Why were they known for living lavishly while the poor among them struggled to get by?  Because they, like ourselves, believed themselves to be more self-aware than they actually were.

To prepare astronauts for their long-term visits to the International Space Station, NASA would take a group of 11 of them, drop them off in the wilderness, get them lost, then leave them on their own for three weeks.  According to some of the astronauts, learning to rely on each other for survival in this Wilderness Training Exercise taught them more about themselves and gave them the opportunity to know others on a deeper level than being in other relationships for years.  When your life depends on teamwork, teams work.  You get past pleasantries fairly soon and call people on their bullshit.  Every member learns more about who they really are from the rest of the team whether they want to or not.  The mirror is constantly before them.  CrossWalk’s own Zane Watson spent a summer hiking through the Alaskan Tundra above the arctic circle.  He told me that the team got along pretty well, relying on each other to get to the next drop point where thy could get more food and supplies.  But one team member wasn’t as committed as the rest, and the team definitely let him know.  I’m guessing intense military service has a similar affect.  So does intense humanitarian work. 

The Morning Star Company, known for it’s tomato products, takes self-awareness very seriously, as noted in their official statement on self-management:

     The Morning Star Company was built on a foundational philosophy of Self-Management. We envision an organization of self-managing professionals who initiate communication and coordination of their activities with fellow colleagues, customers, suppliers and fellow industry participants, absent directives from others. For colleagues to find joy and excitement utilizing their unique talents and to weave those talents into activities which complement and strengthen fellow colleagues' activities. And for colleagues to take personal responsibility and hold themselves accountable for achieving our Mission.

To insure a good fit with the company, the founder of Morning Star is known to conduct 3-5 hour interviews with potential team members in their homes!  If welcomed onto the team, the company culture requires each member to become part of an ongoing assessment process whereby everyone evaluates everyone on the team regarding performance.  In that company, there is nowhere to hide.  You will become more self-aware because your team members will make you painfully aware of yourself!  Much more so than good friends, family, or intimate partners who have every reason to think highly of you and let you know it.  I wonder if the religious leaders thought so highly of themselves because they primarily took their cue from each other?  Perhaps they were all members of the mutual admiration society?  Perhaps the reason they grew so tired of Jesus was because his very person – and eventually his teaching – gave them an honest picture of themselves.

Knowing our propensity toward self-aggrandizement, Jesus did some strange things during the last supper with the disciples before he would be arrested and eventually killed within 24 hours.  First, he washed their feet, which made them intimately aware of the fact that Jesus was intimately familiar with them.  They undoubtedly squirmed as he made the rounds with the basin and towel.  Then, a bit later, he gave them a new commandment which provided further clarity on the greatest commandments:

I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

– Jesus (John 13:34 | NLT)

Left to their own imagination, the disciples would likely have found themselves in the same trap as the Jewish leaders, congratulating themselves on a job well done even if it wasn’t.  But with Jesus as the reference point, we have a model to look at to help us determine how well we are loving God with our heart, mind, and soul. And we have an example to follow regarding loving our neighbors as ourselves – and a lifetime of moments where Jesus showed what it meant to love oneself which enables us to love others.

This week, may you take some time to see what has always been before you – like climbers on El Cap.  May you find yourself being quiet enough and mindful enough to discover that there is, in fact, a list longer than you could have imagined apart from such prayerful contemplation.  As pen hits paper, as knees hit floor, may you also find yourself willing to make amends to them all.

Step 8 Questions

How have you hurt yourself by practicing your addiction?
 

What important relationships did you destroy or damage because of your addictive behaviors?
 

How much time and energy have your lost from your addictive behaviors? What do you think that you would have done or become had it not been for your addictive behaviors?
 

Make a list of those that you have possibly harmed by your addictive behaviors. List the effect on them as individuals as well as on your relationship. You can use the page for the List of People to keep track of this list.
 

Describe any dreams that you have had that relate to making amends to others.
 

How will you celebrate or how have you celebrated the finishing of step 8?
 

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.  Also, look through 12Step.org for tons of helpful resources from the recovery community.

Me Free 7: Why Do We Need To Ask?*

We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. – Step 7

The American Poster Child who liked, of course, Apple Pie.  His life began in hardship even though he was born in the United States.  He didn’t have the benefit of wealthy parents.  If he was going to make it in the world, it was going to be up to him.  At an early age he got a paper route (back in the day when practically every household subscribed to a newspaper that would be delivered daily by kids on bicycles).  When he was a little older he added a lawn mowing business to his portfolio. Nothing big – just a couple of houses each week.  He was careful with his money, having a little fun now and then but mostly saving up for a car when he turned sixteen, which he did.  He kept the paper route since it was an early morning job, kept the lawn mowing accounts which he could work into evenings or weekends, and managed to add a job at a restaurant into his schedule – all while attending high school.  Having waited tables for a couple of years, he acquired some really good people skills and landed a job in sales.  With all of his income streams flowing nicely, he was able to move out of his family’s home after high school into his own apartment.  Over time his responsibilities increased as his good sales and job reviews shined brighter and brighter. He met a girl, fell in love, and got married.  His career soared as he was moved into management where he worked his tail off to motivate his employees to greater and greater sales.  As he saw his income rise, so did his situation.  Over time he upgraded from an apartment to a starter home to eventually a large, fine home in the most desirable part of town.  His cars followed suit, from practical economic cars to luxury automobiles that signaled his success wherever he drove.  Everyone respected him.  He and his wife maintained a lasting marriage while raising their kids.  He was known as one who didn’t have any skeletons in his closet.  He practiced his religion privately, but never doubted in the existence of God and tried to be good and ethical.  Now an owner of his sales office which was running like a top without much supervision, he was encouraged to run for public office.  He won a local election and thus began his career in politics, where he consistently referred to his own life as evidence that the American Dream can come true.  His abundant wealth and excess, coupled with his squeaky-clean past made him a shoe-in for a bright future – who knows how high an office he might one day inhabit?  He was surely blessed, and thanked God for his success.

     One day one of the local officials asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to deserve eternal life?"
     Jesus said, "Why are you calling me good? No one is good—only God. You know the commandments, don't you? No illicit sex, no killing, no stealing, no lying, honor your father and mother."
     He said, "I've kept them all for as long as I can remember."
     When Jesus heard that, he said, "Then there's only one thing left to do: Sell everything you own and give it away to the poor. You will have riches in heaven. Then come, follow me."
     This was the last thing the official expected to hear. He was very rich and became terribly sad. He was holding on tight to a lot of things and not about to let them go.
     Seeing his reaction, Jesus said, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who have it all to enter God's kingdom? I'd say it's easier to thread a camel through a needle's eye than get a rich person into God's kingdom."
     "Then who has any chance at all?" the others asked.
     "No chance at all," Jesus said, "if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it." – Luke 18:18-27 (The Message)

Why do we need to ask?

The Mega Pastor who loved Lemon Meringue Pie.  She was born to two loving parents who provided well for her.  She never wanted for a thing, was brought up in church where she learned the Bible from an early age.  She had memorized a great number of scriptures and had a sharp mind.  Coupled with good people skills she quickly became a young leader in the church.  Her parents encouraged her to dream big – “You can become anything you want!” was their frequent cheer.  Graduating from High School with honors and doing just as well in college, she never stopped developing her faith.  She attended small groups and a church regularly, and, as before, moved quickly into leadership, using her gifts as a speaker and leader to group whatever group she led.  Someone planted the seed in her mind one day: she should really use her knowledge and skills to be a pastor.  Sensing that perhaps God was in it, she pursued it.  Fast forward a decade: she grew her church to one of the largest in her denomination.  The crowds that came to her worship services and Bible studies paralleled the books she published from her sermon series’.  The speaking circuit where she shared her secrets of success were equally impressive – she became an expert in her field, with carefully, thoughtfully crafted words delivered from a head-to-toe presentation that personified perfection.  With great attendance comes great compensation and so she found herself living in the best neighborhood in town, driving a luxurious car that communicated to everyone she passed that God was good and she was blessed.

     Just then a religion scholar stood up with a question to test Jesus. "Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?"
     He answered, "What's written in God's Law? How do you interpret it?"
     He said, "That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself."
     "Good answer!" said Jesus. "Do it and you'll live."
     Looking for a loophole, he asked, "And just how would you define 'neighbor'?"
     Jesus answered by telling a story. "There was once a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he was attacked by robbers. They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. Luckily, a priest was on his way down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a Levite religious man showed up; he also avoided the injured man.
     "A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I'll pay you on my way back.'
     "What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?"
     "The one who treated him kindly," the religion scholar responded.
     Jesus said, "Go and do the same." – Luke 10:25-37 (The Message)

Richard Rohr, in his book, Breathing Under Water, in addressing why we should ask God to remove our shortcomings instead of relying on our own introspection alone noted: “Don’t dare go after your faults yourselves or you will go after the wrong thing, or more commonly a clever substitute for the real thing” (54).  These two stories from Jesus’ ministry illustrate our human capacity to become so enamored with ourselves that we cannot humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings because we are, in fact, not humble.  Asking for help from God is itself a humbling activity if we are serious about it.  Proverbs 9:10 commends to us: “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Many people approach faith out of being afraid of God, and related fears of judgment can curb some foolish behavior for some. But that rendering of fear doesn’t really capture what the writer is trying to communicate.  Deep reverence is a better way to think of it, or being in awe of God.  When we are in awe, when we find ourselves in such deep reverence, we are very naturally humbled. God is not interested in humiliating us to get us to bend the knee, nor is God interested in scaring the beeswax out of either, for that subverts the love relationship that God longs for with humanity. It turns out God does have a favorite pie – humble pie.

When we are humble in this way, the way we pray changes from wish list to relationship.  Rohr notes: “We ask not to change God but to change ourselves. We pray to form a living relationship, not to get things done. Prayer is a symbiotic relationship with life and with God, a synergy which creates a result larger than the exchange itself. (That is why Jesus says all prayers are answered, which does not appear to be true according to the evidence!) God knows that we need to pray to keep the symbiotic relationship moving and growing. Prayer is not a way to try to control God, or even to get what we want. As Jesus says in Luke’s Gospel the answer to every prayer is one, the same, and the best: the Holy Spirit! (See 11:13.) God gives us power more than answers” (54).

When we allow God to do the work, we don’t find ourselves looking for a new addiction to fill the addiction (which is very common).  Rohr understands it this way: “God’s totally positive and lasting way of removing our shortcomings is to fill up the hole with something much better, more luminous, and more satisfying. Then your old shortcomings are not driven away, or pushed underground, as much as they are exposed and starved for the false program for happiness that they are. Like used scaffolding, our sins fall away from us as unneeded and unhelpful because now a new and better building has been found. This is the wondrous discovery of our True Self, and the gradual deterioration of our false and constructed self” (57).  This surely jibes with the Apostle Paul’s thoughts expressed to the church in Philippi: “Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life” (Phil. 4:6-7 MSG).

The good news is that we can learn to discipline our lives to incorporate space for this kind of healthy humility to develop.  Jesus taught a parable about four types of soil, where only one type allowed the seed to sprout and grow.  As we become adults we have the capacity to choose the soil we want to live in.  Choosing to build in a healthy environment is our responsibility if we want to experience the full benefits of faith, which includes the removal of our shortcomings and our development into mature people who think beyond themselves unto the whole world. Further help comes from Jesus’ model for prayer, uttered in rote fashion by countless millions in recovery meetings all over the world. Here are three version of the same prayer found in Matthew 6:

     Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. (New Living Translation)

 

     Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors. And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. (Amplified Bible Classic Edition)

 

     Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen. (KJV)

Note that the prayer begins with awe, then moves to inviting God’s Way into our lives and world before going further.  The prayer assumes God’s provision as well as grace. The grace received assumes that we will be graceful in return. A commitment to trusting and following God leads to a final statement of awe – we are addressing the One who is the Kingdom, the Power, Forever.

A final story to annoy you and make you wonder why we may need God to help us both see and remove our shortcomings.  From Peter Rollins in his phenomenal book How (Not) to Speak of God:

     I remember seeing a sticker that said, ‘If Christianity was illegal, would there be enough evidence to convict you?’ That evening I had a dream that it was true and that I was summoned before a judge. The prosecution has quite a case against me. They begin by offering the judge dozens of photographs which show me attending church meetings, speaking at religious events and participating in various prayer and worship services. Next they offer up as evidence some of the religious books that I have been reading, followed by some of my religious CDs and trinkets. After this they step up the pace and reveal to the court many of the poems, pieces of prose and journal entries that I have written about faith. Then, in closing, the prosecution twist the bloody knife that they have skillfully used by offering my Bible to the judge. This is a well-worn book with scribbles, notes, drawings and underlining throughout – evidence, if it were needed, that I have read and re-read this sacred book.

     Throughout the court case I have been sitting in fear and trembling, saturated by sweat. I know deep in my heart that, with the evidence against me, imprisonment or even death is a strong possibility. At various times throughout the proceedings I have been on the verge of standing up and denying Christ. But while this idea haunts my mind, I resist the temptation and remain focused.

     Once the prosecution has finished presenting their case, the judge proceeds to ask if I have anything to add, but I remain silent and resolute, terrified that if I open my mouth, I might be weak enough to deny the charges made against me. I am then led away while the judge ponders my case. 

     After about an hour I am summoned back to the court-room in order to hear the verdict and receive word of my punishment. The judge enters the room, stands before me, looks deep into my eyes and states, ‘Of the charges that have been brought forward I find the accused not guilty.’

     ‘Not guilty.’ My heart freezes. Then, in a split second, my fear and terror are transformed into confusion and rage. Despite myself, I stand before the judge and demand that he tell me why I am innocent of the charges, in light of all the evidence.

     ‘What evidence?’ he replies in shock.

     I start by pointing out the various poems and journal entries I have written, but he simply replies that they only show that I have a way with words.

     I then refer to the services I have spoken at, the worship meetings I have participated in and the conferences I have attended.

     But again he simply smiles and tells me that it is only evidence that I am a public speaker and a bit of an actor who pretends to be what he is not – nothing more. And then he says that such foolishness would never be enough to convict me.

     The dream ends as he looks me in the eye and says, as if informing me of a great, long-forgotten secret: ‘The court is indifferent towards your Bible reading and church attendance; it has no concern for worship with words and a pen. Continue to develop your theology, and use it to paint pictures of love. We have no interest in such church-going artists who spend their time creating images of a better world. We exist for those who would lay down that brush, and their life, in a Christlike endeavour to create such a world’ (132).

Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.

 

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.

Me Free 6: The Chicken of the Egg?

We were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character. – Step 6

What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure. – Apostle Paul (Letter to the Philippians, Chapter 2, Verses 12-13, The Message Translation)

Let’s review.  In Step 1 we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol (or that which has held sway over us from practically day on).  Step 2 was all about believing in a God that could restore us to sanity. Step 3 focused on surrendering to that God.  The fourth step involved embracing a searching and fearless moral inventory, with the next, fifth step taking us to confess the specific nature of our wrongs with ourselves, God, and another human being.  The sixth step calls us to ready ourselves for God to remove all of our character defects.  If you see a pattern, you’re not alone.  We are back to a decision to invite God to do God’s redemptive, restoring, remodeling, reconstructing, resurrecting work.  God removes character defects (a form of healing, of saving).  And yet something is required of us that allows God to do what God alone can do: we acquiesce. Richard Rohr sees this as a which came first, the chicken or the egg, dilemma.  His answer?  Yes.

This issue of what leads to our salvation (healing, redemption, etc.) has been debated ad nauseum for, well, forever.  The most historically recognizable milestone happened, as the legend goes, on Halloween Night, 1517, when Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses (protests) on the door of the Wittenberg Castle Church.  Protestantism was born (or at least finally recognized).  At the heart of the debate: do we gain favor with God by “clean living” or by God’s grace alone?  Luther distilled it down to “grace alone” while the Catholic Church that formed him said our works tip the balance one way or the other.  Which is it?  God’s grace alone or our effort?  Yes.  In Breathing Under Water, Rohr paints the contrast:

     The work: So the waiting, the preparing of the mind for “chance,” the softening of the heart, the deepening of expectation and desire, the “readiness” to really let go, the recognition that I really do not want to let go, the actual willingness to change is the work of weeks, months, and years of “fear and trembling…”

     The only problem is that [Luther’s grace alone] devolved into our modern private and personal “decision for Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior” vocabulary, without any real transformation of consciousness or social critique on the part of too many Christians. Faith itself became a “good work” that I could perform, and the ego was back in charge. Such a mechanical notion of salvation frequently led to all the right religious words, without much indication of self-critical or culturally critical behavior. Usually, there was little removal of most “defects of character,” and many Christians have remained thoroughly materialistic, warlike, selfish, racist, sexist, and greedy for power and money—while relying on “amazing grace” to snatch them into heaven at the end. And it probably will! But they surely did not bring much heaven onto this earth to help the rest of us, nor did they speed up their own salvation into the present. Many “born agains” have made Christianity laughable to much of the world (I can’t just pick on Catholics!). – (52)

A story from Jesus’ life came to mind as I reflected on this tension between what God does and what we do to bring about the full salvation for which we long.  It’s a rich, deep, and weird event remembered in Matthew’s Gospel (Chapter 14, Verses 22-33, New Living Translation):

     Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.
     Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”
     But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”
     Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
     “Yes, come,” Jesus said.
     So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
     Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”
When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.

Such an interesting remembrance of Jesus, isn’t it? Work hard to appreciate the story in all of its fullness. Don’t get hung up on the historicity of the account – nobody captured the moment on their smartphone, so there is no “proof” that this actually happened, and no proof that it did not happen.  Get over your “Western Civilization Self” and enjoy what we have here, okay?  Now, some commentary…

Note that Jesus, after a full day of ministry, took time to be alone.  Do you consider yourself a Jesus follower or aspire to be?  How about making sure this rhythm of rest makes it into your schedule.  I wonder if what happened in him in the still, silent solitude played a role in his capacity to water ski without a boat (or skiis).

The disciples, meanwhile, were wiped out.  After their long day, they entered a long, perilous night at sea, a red flag night for sure.  I wonder how their weariness impacted their capacity to respond to what was about to happen?

Enter Jesus walking on water followed by disciples freaking all the way out.  “A ghost!” they thought.  Why didn’t they naturally assume that it must be Jesus? Because they didn’t attend Sunday School where they learned the story ahead of time, that’s why!  What would you think? Why on earth would you think it was a living human being?  If you’re not freaking out here, you’re not paying attention! Like so many other messengers of God, Jesus encourages them: “Fear not!” Sure…

Peter actually took Jesus seriously and asked, “if it was really Jesus, could he command him to get in on the water-walking moment?”  Eugene Peterson, in his Message translation of this account, notes that Peter was suddenly emboldened, almost as if God was in the urge to ask for such an opportunity.  Maybe so?  It’s an odd thing to ask, to try on water-walking in the middle of the night in the middle of Lake Tahoe.  What could possibly go wrong?  If any of the disciples were susceptible to speaking before thinking, it was Peter.  Perhaps God was moving in all of them to ask, but Peter’s natural tendency to speak before thinking made it a bit easier?  Rohr believes that God is involved in both sides of the dance: “God is humble and never comes if not first invited, but God will find some clever way to get invited” (53).

Jesus welcomes Peter to join him.  Peter stepped out of the boat (!), but soon after saw the strong wind and the waves and began sinking.  I find it interesting that Matthew makes note of Peter seeing the wind.  I don’t think it’s moot. Knowing the “wind” is used for “Spirit”, we have to wonder if what Peter was experiencing was a sense of the glory of God that was sustaining Jesus? (Again, just go with the story here).  In other parts of the Bible people were terrified of the presence of God.  Was it that Peter got distracted by the waves, or overwhelmed by the Presence?  I have experienced the Presence of God for sure – brushes against the Divine.  Holy Awe that leaves you breathless and more than a little shocked should be an obvious outcome.  Before we shake our finger at Peter, maybe we need to step in his water socks. He was, after all, the only one who dared to ask to join Jesus where he was, and was the only one who dared to get out of the boat.  Would you do it? Would you want to do it?  Here is an obvious but easily overlooked truth noted by author and pastor John Ortberg, who titled his book the same: If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat. So obvious, so simple, and yet so difficult at times. The terror of stepping out of the security of the boat into the dark unknown is easy for any moderately reflective human being to appreciate because we’ve all faced such moments when we have been faced with the decision to do what’s comfortable or do what is counter-intuitive yet right and best.

On March 11, 2011, a magnitude 9.0 earthquake hit off of one of Japan’s islands which set off a tsunami that flooded over 200 square miles and took more than 25,000 lives. I remember watching the footage, seeing people pictured watching too close to shore only to be wiped out like bugs.  I recently heard three “get out of the boat” stories, however, that this step reminds me of.

The first story is about a school principal who, upon hearing the tsunami warning, instructed his students to do four things before he released them.  1. Run as fast as you can. 2. Run as far as you can. 3. Get as high as you can. 4. Don’t look for your family.  The first three are easy to get our brains around, and they are important.  But the fourth, counterintuitive instruction is what limited the fatalities from that school to on student.  At another school, the principal instructed everyone to go to the roof of the school – three stories high. They all perished as the water destroyed the building and all who occupied it.  The kids who “got out of the boat” were the ones who listened to and obeyed the voice that told them to go against every fiber in their being to reunite with their families before fleeing.  Because they risked on that wisdom, they were still alive to rejoin their family members who survived as well.

The second story is about another village that was in the sites of the tsunami.  Young men who owned fishing boats, upon hearing the news, were reminded of ancient wisdom that had been passed from generation to generation: “When the Wave comes, get the boat into the water with a depth of 150 meters.”  Those who followed the ancient advice even though their common sense would have them be satisfied much closer to shore survived.  Those who settle for less depth perished at sea.  The surviving fisherman on their boats looked from a distance as the wave destroyed their village.  At night, no lights glowed.  To give hope to any survivors who might be on shore, the boats turned on all of their lights, beacons declaring that they were not alone. Those who “got out of the boat” by going deep were the only ones with boats left to shine brightly and also feed the survivors.

The third story happened long after the water subsided.  A village was getting ready to rebuild.  A new mayor was appointed of the town.  He was handed the plans that were approved by the city elders and the mayor he replaced.  He was only 39 years old.  Something in him told him not to move forward with the plans to rebuild the city just as it was laid out before.  But he was so young in a culture that deeply values its elders – to speak out against the plan may be considered deeply offensive.  He couldn’t help it.  He got out of the boat and raised his concerns.  It was met with agreement, and a new plan was developed that was much wiser and forward-thinking than what they had created in the past.

God saves and Jesus walked on water.  If you want to experience the salvation of God here and now you are responsible for your part of the dance.  If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.

As Peter began sinking, he had presence of mind to call for help!  Good thing Jesus was kind – he grabbed him, enjoyed a giggle regarding Peter’s first attempt at water walking, and they both got back in the boat, at which point the wind stopped.  Hmmm.  They are back in the boat and the Spirit-wind that was sustaining them ceased.  Of course.  They are back in the boat. This wasn’t going to turn into Peter Pan – the boat wasn’t going to fly – so the need for such Presence was no longer necessary. Nonetheless, the disciples were impressed, and duly noted that they had never seen anything like this, and it sure seemed like God was surely in the mix.  Such divine attention surely moved them to declare Jesus “Son of God.”

I think we see here an example of what Step 6 is all about.  Readiness is a decision that leads to thoughtful action.  Jesus said that the way that leads away from life at its best is a highway with many people on it. He also said that the way to the life we dream of and God dreams for us and with us is more like a narrow cow-path with relatively few people on it.  I have enormous confidence in God’s immeasurable grace for us once this life is over.  God, however, gave us life to live fully right now.  The narrow path has few people on it because the Way of Christ is a “Yes! Come on out! The water’s fine!” invitation into the unknown darkness with gale force winds without a life vest.  And yet we’re beckoned to come. 

Our desire for control keeps us holding the reins of our lives even as we clearly recognize that we’re not exactly nailing it.  When we truly trust God with the reins of our lives, however, we discover more control than we had before.  We walk on water.  Of course, like Peter, we often lose focus and find ourselves sinking.  Peter relived this experience many times in various contexts.  Over time, however, he got better and better at keeping his eyes on the Wind and trusted it instead of rejecting it out of fear.  He, among others, dared greatly, which reminds me of the powerful statement of Theodore Roosevelt so often quoted:

     It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of great achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

Your life is on the line here.  I don’t want to pressure or shame you with such talk. I do, however, want to point out the urgency of the moment.  Your life matters.  You have a choice. An abundant life of meaning, purpose, deep joy, unfading hope, unshakable strength and immeasurable impact on the world for good is before you. It is life modeled after the water-walking Jesus who is out of the box and not in the boat. It is found in positively answering the never-ending invitation to “Come and join me, the water’s fine!” Because if you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the “EnneApp” for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.

Me Free 5: Accountability IS Sustainability*

We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. – Step 5

So confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, and this will cure you. – James 5:16

If you forgive others their sins, they are indeed forgiven. If you withhold forgiveness from one another, they are held bound. – Jesus (John 20:23)

God resists our evil and conquers it with good, or how could God ask the same of us? Think about that. God shocks and stuns us into love. God does not love us if we change, God loves us so that we can change. Only love effects true inner transformation, not duress, guilt, shunning, or social pressure. Love is not love unless it is totally free. – Richard Rohr, Breathing Under Water (42)

The best way to prepare to read the following is to start with your own personal communion.  Get some grape juice or wine and some bread.  Before you read, enjoy both, reminding yourself that this is the lasting symbol of the love of God for us and with us – a meal that nods to the horrific death of Jesus, yes, but a death he chose to endure because he was not going to play by the world’s expectations.  He was about peace, not more violence, because the nature of God is restorative love, not retributive vengeance.  Enjoy your communion throughout the reading.  Go get more if you need to – a reminder that God’s grace is with us throughout our journey. Note: if you grew up in a tradition where only the ordained clergy were allowed to handle such sacraments, take the risk anyway.  If God wants to nail you on this, blame me.

“Authentic Prayer.” Jesus told his next story to some who were complacently pleased with themselves over their moral performance and looked down their noses at the common people: "Two men went up to the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax man. The Pharisee posed and prayed like this: 'Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, crooks, adulterers, or, heaven forbid, like this tax man. I fast twice a week and tithe on all my income.'
     "Meanwhile the tax man, slumped in the shadows, his face in his hands, not daring to look up, said, 'God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.'"
     Jesus commented, "This tax man, not the other, went home made right with God. If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face, but if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself." – Luke 18:9-14 (The Message)

“Throw the First Stone.” Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them.
     The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.
     Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
     Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"
     "No one, Master."
     "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin." – John 8:1-11 (The Message)

“Tears of Liberation.” One of the Pharisees asked him over for a meal. He went to the Pharisee's house and sat down at the dinner table. Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him."
     Jesus said to him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
     "Oh? Tell me."
     "Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?"
     Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
     "That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal."
     Then he spoke to her: "I forgive your sins."
     That set the dinner guests talking behind his back: "Who does he think he is, forgiving sins!"
     He ignored them and said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." – Luke 7:36-50 (The Message)

“Graced Generosity.” Six days before Passover, Jesus entered Bethany where Lazarus, so recently raised from the dead, was living. Lazarus and his sisters invited Jesus to dinner at their home. Martha served. Lazarus was one of those sitting at the table with them. Mary came in with a jar of very expensive aromatic oils, anointed and massaged Jesus' feet, and then wiped them with her hair. The fragrance of the oils filled the house. – John 12:1-3 (The Message)

“Justice.” Then Jesus entered and walked through Jericho. There was a man there, his name Zacchaeus, the head tax man and quite rich. He wanted desperately to see Jesus, but the crowd was in his way—he was a short man and couldn't see over the crowd. So he ran on ahead and climbed up in a sycamore tree so he could see Jesus when he came by.
When Jesus got to the tree, he looked up and said, "Zacchaeus, hurry down. Today is my day to be a guest in your home."
     Zacchaeus scrambled out of the tree, hardly believing his good luck, delighted to take Jesus home with him. Everyone who saw the incident was indignant and grumped, "What business does he have getting cozy with this crook?"
     Zacchaeus just stood there, a little stunned. He stammered apologetically, "Master, I give away half my income to the poor—and if I'm caught cheating, I pay four times the damages."
     Jesus said, "Today is salvation day in this home! Here he is: Zacchaeus, son of Abraham! For the Son of Man came to find and restore the lost." – Luke 19:1-9 (The Message)

I wanted you to be immersed in these stories after communion so that you might have a different view on steps four and five which have to do with identifying our failures and confessing them to ourselves, God, and another person.  These examples of the “afterword of accountability” display a very positive tone, don’t they?  I wonder how our attitude toward these steps might be different if we can change the way we see them from the outset.  This requires humility and maturity, of course, and challenges our more primitive notions of God as an angry judge ready to condemn us to hell.  Honestly, both views can be supported biblically – you have to do our own work to determine how you understand and interpret these ancient texts.  You have to decide which face of God you believe in most. For me, I look at Jesus as my most important reference point because he was apparently to dialed into God that the Spirit oozed out of him in everything he did and taught.  I hope you choose to see God as being the loving, restoring, hopeful One as I have.

If we ditch the idea of confession as a visit to the Principal’s office after we got caught skipping class and instead view it as a dinner where we are welcomed and unconditionally loved by our host who wants to hear about everything, we are more likely to engage these steps more often.  If it’s a long dinner with this trusted Friend, then we know they will be truly delighted in our tales of love and joy, and genuinely compassionate when we speak of our struggles, even offering encouragement and support to help us move forward.  This has been my experience.

There are some helpful tools available to help you grow the most from these steps that will lead to a more abundant experience or life for yourself and everyone you impact.  From the Enneagram stuff, pay attention to your type’s wound and stages of development – they are likely related.  Having a reference to help us see what health and unhealth look like provide a mirror for us.  Having a hint at the root cause of our pain helps us address the real underlying problem that serves to perpetuate all of the others.  The EnneApp mobile device application gives a brief description of the wound as well as broad descriptions of each type. 

The other tool I’d like to highlight is contemplative prayer using the St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Prayer of Examen.  The idea is to spend fifteen minutes at the beginning and end of your day moving through the five modes of prayer in an effort to stay more connected to God and what God is working to develop in us.

St. Ignatius of Loyola: The Daily Examen

1.       Prayer for enlightenment: “Help me to see and hear you more clearly, that I may respond more fully to your love and follow you more closely through the claims of your call upon my life. Help me to be aware of those times when I have been blind and deaf to your presence and to your gifts of love. Amen.”

2.       Reflective thanksgiving: “Thank you for all the ways you make yourself present to me – through nature, persons, events, situations. Thank you for accepting my love for you. O God, how great you are! Amen.”

3.       Personal examination of actions: “I really do love you, my Lord, in spite of the ways I have missed your presence and have not responded to your love and actions in my life. Help me in these moments to be conscious of the ways that I may become sensitive to your desires in all my ways. Amen.”

4.       Contrition and sorrow: “I’m sorry, God, for failing to respond to your love and for my failures. But I rejoice in your generosity and gladly receive your many gifts – and heartily eat at your table with joy and celebration. I’m not worthy of the many gifts you give me, through your constant love. Amen.”

5.       Hopeful resolution for the future: “Be with me, Lord, ever helping me to respond more authentically to your love. By your help I will see you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly, day by day, and serve you from this moment on. Amen.”

The power of this process is exponentially increased if you can get together with a trusted friend who will join you on the journey – an incarnation experience through the love of another.  Do communion together.  Often.  You will grow in your experience of God, of life, of meaning, of relationship if you dare.

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with, as well as the story behind the creation of the songs at the Sleeping At Last podcast (search for “Sleeping at Last” on your podcast app).  Also, search for the EnneApp for your phone – a great on-the-go option for your mobile devices.

Me Free 4: A Good Lamp

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. – Step 4

But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. – James 3:14 (NLT)

“Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” – Jesus (Matthew 6:22-23 NLT)

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” – Jesus (Mathew 7:3-5 NLT)

This step has everything to do with how we see – ourselves, others, our experiences.  If our seeing is off, our perceptions and interpretations will be off as well.  Seeing ourselves with great clarity is critical if we are interested in growing more and more into our True Selves. As Jesus noted, if our eyes aren’t seeing correctly, it can severely limit our capacity to experience life in all of its fullness.

We’re pretty good at seeing other people’s junk, but as Jesus’ statement indicates, we may struggle seeing our own, larger problems.

In his book, Breathing Under Water, Richard Rohr acknowledges that for some of us who may have grown up in a legalistic environment where our sin was regularly pointed out to us, this step may seem like an awful return trip to a hell we’re glad to have escaped.  So, he notes, “Shadow boxing, a ‘searching and fearless moral inventory,’ is for the sake of truth and humility and generosity of spirit, not vengeance on the self or some kind of total victory over the self.  Seeing and naming our actual faults is probably not so much a gift to us – although it is – as it is to those around us” (36).  This process is not easy – it is difficult and induces a lot of fear, actually, because we are naturally afraid of what we might find.  When Jesus said “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32), he was referring to the truth of our sin, our natural capacity to mess things up.  Rohr notes that before we enjoy the freedom, the truth makes us miserable!  Why else would we avoid it?! Rohr reminds us of the goal of this step: “The goal is not the perfect avoidance of all sin, which is not possible anyway, but the struggle itself, and the encounter and wisdom that comes from it… People only come to deeper consciousness by intentional struggles with contradictions, conflicts, inconsistencies, inner confusions, and what the biblical tradition calls ‘sin’ or moral failure” (35).

In case you were wondering who needs to take Step 4, it includes you because we all have our shadowy side.  Rohr: “Your shadow self is not your evil self. It is just that part of you that you do not want to see, your unacceptable self by reason of nature, nurture, and choice. That bit of chosen blindness, or what A.A. calls denial, is what allows us to do evil and cruel things – without recognizing them as evil or cruel. So ongoing shadow boxing is absolutely necessary because we all have a well-denied shadow self. We have that which we cannot see, will not see, dare not see. It would destroy our public and personal self-image” (37).

I thought it would be fun to play along with this idea of seeing, and take a look at three scenes from Jesus’ ministry where he helped restore vision to those who were blind. The first story comes from (Mark 8:22-26 NLT):

     When they arrived at Bethsaida, some people brought a blind man to Jesus, and they begged him to touch the man and heal him. Jesus took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village. Then, spitting on the man’s eyes, he laid his hands on him and asked, “Can you see anything now?”
     The man looked around. “Yes,” he said, “I see people, but I can’t see them very clearly. They look like trees walking around.”
     Then Jesus placed his hands on the man’s eyes again, and his eyes were opened. His sight was completely restored, and he could see everything clearly. Jesus sent him away, saying, “Don’t go back into the village on your way home.”

I like this story for two reasons. First, it appears that this blind man wasn’t born blind, otherwise how would he know what trees looked like?  That’s helpful because perhaps he had an accident or something that had incapitated him.  To be healed meant to not just have his eyesight restored, but also his past.  The second reason I like this healing story is because the healing took two steps.  Nobody can be sure why the first spit-treatment didn’t work, but the point was that it took more than one attempt.  That’s how it is with Step 4.  We don’t see everything clearly all at once. Things come into focus over time and with effort.  This is a lifelong process, actually, of getting to see more and more clearly for the rest of our lives if we choose.  What a gift!

The second story I wanted to look at took place on the other end of ancient Israel (Mark 10:46-52 NLT):

     Then they reached Jericho, and as Jesus and his disciples left town, a large crowd followed him. A blind beggar named Bartimaeus (son of Timaeus) was sitting beside the road. When Bartimaeus heard that Jesus of Nazareth was nearby, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
     “Be quiet!” many of the people yelled at him.
     But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
     When Jesus heard him, he stopped and said, “Tell him to come here.”
     So they called the blind man. “Cheer up,” they said. “Come on, he’s calling you!” Bartimaeus threw aside his coat, jumped up, and came to Jesus.
     “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked.
     “My Rabbi,” the blind man said, “I want to see!”
      And Jesus said to him, “Go, for your faith has healed you.” Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus down the road.

What I like about this story is the commitment shown on behalf of Bart.  He knew what he wanted and was willing to risk embarrassment to get it.  There were forces within him and certainly outside of him trying to dissuade him, but he stayed the course.  In our pursuit of seeing, there will be no shortage of distractions to knock us off track.  Seeing is worth the effort – persist!  As you persist, realize that God is with you to help you in the struggle.  Like Jacob struggled with God, so we struggle – but God is on our side in the struggle, not our adversary.  Our fear is our adversary, and God helps us to win that battle.

The final healing-of-blindness story is one I’ve referred to many times over my years as a pastor.  It is a story of more than just physical seeing (John 9 NLT):

     As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?”
     “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us. The night is coming, and then no one can work. But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.”
     Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing!
     His neighbors and others who knew him as a blind beggar asked each other, “Isn’t this the man who used to sit and beg?” Some said he was, and others said, “No, he just looks like him!”
     But the beggar kept saying, “Yes, I am the same one!”
     They asked, “Who healed you? What happened?”
     He told them, “The man they call Jesus made mud and spread it over my eyes and told me, ‘Go to the pool of Siloam and wash yourself.’ So I went and washed, and now I can see!”
     “Where is he now?” they asked.
     “I don’t know,” he replied.
     Then they took the man who had been blind to the Pharisees, because it was on the Sabbath that Jesus had made the mud and healed him. The Pharisees asked the man all about it. So he told them, “He put the mud over my eyes, and when I washed it away, I could see!”
     Some of the Pharisees said, “This man Jesus is not from God, for he is working on the Sabbath.” Others said,      “But how could an ordinary sinner do such miraculous signs?” So there was a deep division of opinion among them.
     Then the Pharisees again questioned the man who had been blind and demanded, “What’s your opinion about this man who healed you?”
     The man replied, “I think he must be a prophet.”
     The Jewish leaders still refused to believe the man had been blind and could now see, so they called in his parents. They asked them, “Is this your son? Was he born blind? If so, how can he now see?”
     His parents replied, “We know this is our son and that he was born blind, but we don’t know how he can see or who healed him. Ask him. He is old enough to speak for himself.” His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who had announced that anyone saying Jesus was the Messiah would be expelled from the synagogue. That’s why they said, “He is old enough. Ask him.”
     So for the second time they called in the man who had been blind and told him, “God should get the glory for this, because we know this man Jesus is a sinner.”
     “I don’t know whether he is a sinner,” the man replied. “But I know this: I was blind, and now I can see!”
     “But what did he do?” they asked. “How did he heal you?”
     “Look!” the man exclaimed. “I told you once. Didn’t you listen? Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples, too?”
     Then they cursed him and said, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses! We know God spoke to Moses, but we don’t even know where this man comes from.”
     “Why, that’s very strange!” the man replied. “He healed my eyes, and yet you don’t know where he comes from? We know that God doesn’t listen to sinners, but he is ready to hear those who worship him and do his will. Ever since the world began, no one has been able to open the eyes of someone born blind. If this man were not from God, he couldn’t have done it.”
     “You were born a total sinner!” they answered. “Are you trying to teach us?” And they threw him out of the synagogue.
     When Jesus heard what had happened, he found the man and asked, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”
     The man answered, “Who is he, sir? I want to believe in him.”
     “You have seen him,” Jesus said, “and he is speaking to you!”
     “Yes, Lord, I believe!” the man said. And he worshiped Jesus.
     Then Jesus told him, “I entered this world to render judgment—to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.”
     Some Pharisees who were standing nearby heard him and asked, “Are you saying we’re blind?”
     “If you were blind, you wouldn’t be guilty,” Jesus replied. “But you remain guilty because you claim you can see.

Yes, this story is a miracle story, this time featuring a man born blind – a sign of God’s judgment in the mind of the story’s original audience.  But much more than that, it is a story about a man’s growing understanding of Who is at work in the process.  First, Jesus appeared simply to be a healer.  But as he pondered as he was prodded, he then understood Jesus as one who surely had more going on – he must be a prophet!  By the end of the story he has truly had his eyes opened while the religious leaders remained blind: Jesus was the Messiah, the Christ, the one clearly anointed by God.  His proclamation got him kicked out of the “church” and cut off from Social Security.  But he didn’t care.  He could clearly see.  This is the work of God, as Rohr notes: “The God of the Bible is best known for transmuting and transforming our very evils into our own more perfect good. God uses our sins in our own favor! God brings us – through failure – from unconsciousness to ever-deeper consciousness and conscience. How could that not be good news for just about everybody?” (39).  Over time you will realize that God has been with you in the struggle to help you see everything more clearly for your benefit and for those you impact.  God is always about making you whole and holy.

Stuff to process…

1.       “Moral scrutiny is not to discover how good or bad I am and regain some moral high ground, but it is to begin some honest “shadow boxing” which is at the heart of all spiritual awakening.  Yes, the ‘truth will set you free’ as Jesus says (John 8:32), but first it tends to make you miserable” (35).  What part of you are you afraid to see? What are you afraid will happen if you are honest with yourself?

2.       “The goal is not the perfect avoidance of all sin, which is not possible anyway, but the struggle itself, and the encounter and wisdom that comes from it… People only come to deeper consciousness by intentional struggles with contradictions, conflicts, inconsistencies, inner confusions, and what the biblical tradition calls ‘sin’ or moral failure” (35).  When have you struggled to face the truth?  What happened?

3.       “Shadow boxing, a ‘searching and fearless moral inventory,’ is for the sake of truth and humility and generosity of spirit, not vengeance on the self or some kind of total victory over the self.  Seeing and naming our actual faults is probably not so much a gift to us – although it is – as it is to those around us” (36). Recall a time when someone criticized your behavior.  Step back from your defensive reaction and look for the truth that may lie at the heart of that criticism.  How does that help you begin and honest moral inventory?

4.       “Your shadow self is not your evil self. It is just that part of you that you do not want to see, your unacceptable self by reason of nature, nurture, and choice. That bit of chosen blindness, or what A.A. calls denial, is what allows us to do evil and cruel things – without recognizing them as evil or cruel. So ongoing shadow boxing is absolutely necessary because we all have a well-denied shadow self. We have that which we cannot see, will not see, dare not see. It would destroy our public and personal self-image” (37). Recall a time when your unwillingness to acknowledge an inner failure led you to hurt someone else.  How might you have handled the situation differently?

5.       “The game is over once we see clearly because evil succeeds only by disguising itself as good, necessary, or helpful.  No one consciously does evil. The very fact that anyone can do stupid, cruel, or destructive things shows they are at that moment unconscious and unaware.  Think about that: Evil proceeds from a lack of consciousness” (38). Think about a time when you admitted failure. How did that experience bring personal change?

6.       “The God of the Bible is best known for transmuting and transforming our very evils into our own more perfect good. God uses our sins in our own favor! God brings us – through failure – from unconsciousness to ever-deeper consciousness and conscience. How could that not be good news for just about everybody?” (39). How have you experienced God using your sins in our own favor?  Have you ever witnessed it in someone else?

7.       Most of the time we learn from experience when it comes to our personal morality.  When we blow it and it catches up to us, then we have to pay attention.  We can be proactive, however.  There are a number of things we can do that will help us envision a higher standard which may help us see where we have accepted a way that is not as healthy.  Reading resources that provide that vision helps pull us up before we fall (the Bible, helpful personal growth resources, etc.).  How have you been proactive in becoming more whole instead of waiting to find out the hard way?

*This teaching summary is part of a series that dovetails the deep spiritual components of Twelve Steps and the rich insights of the time-tested Enneagram.  Understanding your Enneagram Type can provide helpful insight into how you “do life”.  There are several free tests that will surely narrow things down for you, but the Enneagram Test from the Enneagram Institute by far offers the best assessment and provides the richest feedback (look for the RHETI test).  In addition, we will be drawing insight from two books as we follow Jesus through these steps.  You can get Richard Rohr’s Breathing Under Water (and its companion journal) and Christopher Heuertz’ The Sacred Enneagram online and in digital formats.  CrossWalk will have a limited supply of the books on hand.  In addition, you may find songs for different types helpful in understanding what you’re working with.