Note: You can watch this teaching on CrossWalk’s YouTube channel.
Last week we looked at a difficult, rather ugly story reflecting pain and loss on the part of Sarai and Hagar before Ishmael was born. I doubt if Sarai and Hagar ever grew very close. There was rivalry and jealousy at work, no doubt. Ishmael grew into his teenage years, which is when the story between Sarai and Hagar came to a head:
One day Sarah saw the son that Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham, poking fun at her son Isaac. She told Abraham, "Get rid of this slave woman and her son. No child of this slave is going to share inheritance with my son Isaac!"
The matter gave great pain to Abraham—after all, Ishmael was his son. But God spoke to Abraham, "Don't feel badly about the boy and your maid. Do whatever Sarah tells you. Your descendants will come through Isaac. Regarding your maid's son, be assured that I'll also develop a great nation from him—he's your son too."
Abraham got up early the next morning, got some food together and a canteen of water for Hagar, put them on her back and sent her away with the child. She wandered off into the desert of Beersheba. When the water was gone, she left the child under a shrub and went off, fifty yards or so. She said, "I can't watch my son die." As she sat, she broke into sobs.
Meanwhile, God heard the boy crying. The angel of God called from Heaven to Hagar, "What's wrong, Hagar? Don't be afraid. God has heard the boy and knows the fix he's in. Up now; go get the boy. Hold him tight. I'm going to make of him a great nation."
Just then God opened her eyes. She looked. She saw a well of water. She went to it and filled her canteen and gave the boy a long, cool drink.
God was on the boy's side as he grew up. He lived out in the desert and became a skilled archer. He lived in the Paran wilderness. And his mother got him a wife from Egypt. – Genesis 21:9-21 (The Message Translation)
Remember that the story is about the development of Israel as a people, explaining their origins and the influences along the way that resulted in their present and future. The enmity between Sara and Hagar was more than about two women – it was about two peoples. These two people groups struggled to tolerate each other as time progressed. When people don’t address their pain, their pain addresses them. This story may be about Israel, but it is also about humanity as a whole. Unaddressed pain caused by any number of things has a way of leaving a wake of destruction behind its carriers. Lots of wounds. Lots of broken or severely incapacitated relationships. You’ve probably heard it before, hurting people hurt people.
I don’t know many people who wake up wanting more pain in their lives. I think we are wired to want peace and harmony. Yet dealing with pain is itself painful, which leads us to denial, which means the pain doesn’t get addressed. Pain addresses us in myriad ways on an individual, interpersonal level as well as larger scale problems. Racial prejudice is still alive and well in the United States because we have failed to really face it squarely. It is hard work. It feels easier to pretend everything is fine. Unfortunately, that only leads to harder work for a longer period of time.
Check out my interview with Jim Wornack on the video or podcast to hear his advice for dealing with the pain associated with loss.
The story of Hagar and Ishmael being kicked out of Abraham’s compound is absolutely horrible. It reflects so poorly on Sara and Abraham both. Nothing to be proud of here. They both totally messed up on this one for a very long time. God didn’t want what happened to happen, but God did come alongside to give hope to the brokenhearted. Because that’s who God is. If you are working through grief and loss and it feels really hard, know that you never walk alone, and that the One who walks with you really is interested in your healing, your wellbeing, your future, and will be working at all times to help you move forward. There is comfort and strength in this truth, even if things don’t always turn out as we’d hope.
Israel messed up a lot, and it came back to bite them many, many times. Yet they experienced God being with them through it all, picking them up again and again and again and again with the same comforting presence. Many generations after the above story, Israel was overtaken by Babylon. Jerusalem was sacked and the Jewish leaders and skilled laborers were taken into exile. In Jerusalem, there weren’t enough Jewish people (and not enough of them skilled) to pose any threat to Babylon anymore. Those in exile felt hopeless. Jeremiah, the great Jewish prophet, wrote them a letter where, in one part, he reminded them of who God is and what God is about: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29: 11 NLT)”. These words are still true today, no matter how far from home we may feel. Whether home is an address or state of being, God is with you and for your best. Live like it is true, because it is.
Questions.
1. Has there ever been a time in your life when you were reluctant to deal with your pain? Why were you reluctant? What were the consequences – positive and/or negative – of your reluctance?
2. What pain do you imagine Sara, Abraham, Hagar, and Ishmael endured in their dramatic story?
3. How do you make sense of God’s kindness in response to all characters? Is it just? What are the upsides? What are the tension points?
What pain are you dealing with right now – or not dealing with? How’s that going for you? What’s hard?